In the last interracial marriage blog post, me and John told you guys about the reactions from family and friends… Today we talk about the reactions from strangers. Some of the questions I’ve received in email (and in person from new-ish friends oddly enough) are:
- Do people think you two are not together when you go out?
- Do people say anything to you in public?
- What are people’s reactions and how do you deal with it?
Short answer: Yes. We get stared at sometimes. But honestly I think it’s because we’re just so damn good looking 😉
Seriously, there are very few times where people have “come out of pocket” with us. The subway was good for that. There were a few confrontations from random guys who had something to say to us, usually due to liquid courage… but usually our interaction with people is just normal and happy go lucky. We’ve been together many years and I’d say we’ll get a rude comment or a weird happening maybe once a year.
I notice a lot of women in interracial relationships saying how people are always staring and always giving them dirty looks… maybe they’re in like kkk central or something, or maybe they’re just giving off a weird vibe themselves, or are just looking for that… We honestly don’t get too many dirty looks. We do get looked at though, but, so does everyone else.
That said…we’re in NYC. When we’re on vacation (Florida, DR, Mexico, Cruises, Caribbean islands) we get stared at like crazy. Like Crazy. It doesn’t make me uncomfortable….I gotta say, it would take a lot for me to feel uncomfortable if I’m out with John….but it is kinda wierd to feel like a spectacle. That’s when we get the curious strangers who ask the “How did you two meet?” type questions.
Oh my goodness, that just reminded me of our first trip to DR when we met another interracial couple (black man, white woman) on the resort and we were having drinks and the girl said to me something like “look everyone’s staring at us because we’re mixed couples” I looked around and not a daggone body was even paying us any attention. I guess she was just uncomfortable for some reason.
Definitely when we’re out with Roey we get more looks, I think because people are intrigued to see what the baby looks like…and I don’t think it’s race related…it’s just that babies are adorable and attract attention.
As for people thinking we’re not together...I know it has happened a couple times at restaurants. Nothing offensive by any means. I’ve made that mistake myself when I was working as a hostess.
Overall, unless we’re passing by those black isrealite dudes that “preach” about the dangers of the white devil on the city streets, we don’t have much negative reactions from people. Oh! I’ve noticed people (read: girls) looking down at my hand recently though…that’s new. I’ve noticed that lately when I’m with John or when I’m out with the baby. (Is that a “thing” now? Was that always happening and I just never noticed? ::shrug:: )
How I deal with people staring is to either ignore them, stare back, smile, or wave. Depending on my mood and general annoyance level for the day. Waving is usually the best tactic. But if it’s just a stank look I’ll just give em a:
And go about my business.
If it’s a rude comment and John starts going back and forth with the person I try to calm him down and we’ll leave the situation because I don’t want to have to bail him out for hurting some dummy. Luckily there hasn’t been any confrontation while we’re with Roey…and hopefully there never will be.
Lol at waving back at those who stare.
My hubs and I have been together for 7 years and only just over a year ago did I start noticing people stare. I don’t have a problem with it though. It’s mostly curiosity, and thats obviously natural. That and the fact that my Hubs is REALLY tall, so its easy to assume thats why they staring (height difference is so hilarious).
The worst anyone’s ever said to us, well to me, with my hubs standing right next to me, was our marriage officer asking if I was sure I wanted to marry my hubs and went on about “protecting our (african)children” yet minutes before she didn’t want to marry us cause we are foreign nationals and all of a “sardine”…
I honestly thing that the size difference is the major part. He’s 6’5 and…um…sturdy, I’m 5’4 and slim, it may look odd to some folks to see this pair. Also, neither of us are trolls and we get stared at when alone, so naturally people will stare when we’re together. Your marriage officer sounds like a moron.
Hi Dani, This comment made me smile. I am exactly your size and black, my fiancé is 6’2 and white. We live in Atlanta GA, been together 5 years. I can honestly say I don’t remember any bad looks or comments, just the usual ” we are approaching each other where else should I look” kind of glances
Hi Caroline! I think that’s probably the majority of the looks the other women get, but because of how they internalize it, they see something else. ::shrug:: More importantly….when’s the wedding!?! 🙂 You excited?
Exactly. I love weddings but I can’t see myself having one, unless David Tutera plans it and all I have to do is show up! For that reason we have been engaged for 4 years! We’ll probably get married at the magistrate’s office just the two of us, hopefully within the next six months. Best wishes and congratulations on baby # 2.
I’ve often wondered about this. One of my cousins is married is in what people would call an “interracial marriage” and she says they hardly ever notice anyone stare at them. She lives near Philadelphia so it could be that city folks see stranger things than them on a regular basis and have no need to stare.
I’ve actually had people stare and shame me for hanging around my femaie best friend who is white, which definitely strikes me as odd. That only happened once or twice though. But, I’ve definitely been shamed by the black israellites in the street telling me to stay away from her because she is the white devil. We just walk by and laugh. The first time it happened, I do think it hurt it her a bit though.
Oh well people stare for all kinds of reasons. I live in a small town where nothing is accepted. I think most of these people still think we live in the early 1900’s. I think we do what makes us happy and to hell with what people think.
My parents, who live in Michigan, get stares. We grew up north of Detroit in a small city. It’s very diverse and mixed. I remember my dad saying how he hated going to Detroit because people would stare and make rude comments… pretty much giving them today’s version of side eye and mumbling. That was of course back in the 70s. Not much has changed. I hear the comments that people make, especially for black and white interracial couples. I am biracial and to this day, I still hear the nasty, snide comments about me, mostly from black people. White people just seem to think I’m the most attractive thing ever. “Oh your hair, why is it so different from that black girls hair?” Now that I’m living in Los Angeles, the interracial dating thing doesn’t come up as much but I still hear a lot of my black friends complain when they see a black man dating a white or latina woman. Unfortunately, it’s a slave mentality that feels like it’s never going to go away.
That gif is hysterical. I need that as a general for work.
Anywho, being with my husband for 15 years I was super aware of it when I was a teenager but now, I don’t notice it, so I have no clue if its still actually happening or not—also like you said this is nyc–I think mixed couples out weigh the no mixed couples.
I see that I have you using “out of pocket” now. LOL. My favorite is when me and my other half go out together to a store and they always ask “um is this all together” when they ring up our stuff. It’s like damn no we just have all our damn groceries lumped together! Of if we go to a restaurant they wanna know if we are together to be seated. We always get stares and the funniest is when one time my husband actually stopped and stared back at the person eye to eye and said yes I’m white and she’s black and we have a butterscotch son, what? I died.
We get the stares, but it mostly from the Confederate welcoming committee. I wonder which would be more difficult…to be an interracial couple in the city or in the rural deep south like as the case for us.
I love that you are using “out of pocket.” Is it fat of me to think of Hot Pockets coming out of the sleeve?
Anywho, who are these Black Israelites? I don’t think I’ve ever seen one around NYC?
I definitely asked you about stares, so it was great and refreshing to hear you guys comment on it. The bf must have a bad memory too because he doesn’t notice. One time I asked him, why don’t you notice these things? He responds, “I’m too busy looking at you! ”
These guys are slick these days. Real slick. But the truth is, women might be more aware/in tune with their surroundings then men are.
I just want to say that I love that family pic (wish you could actually see Roey’s face, it would have been perfect) and I so love your top bun, too cute.
I’m way late in reading this, but I had to comment – I’m one of those girls that looks down at peoples hands for a wedding ring, LOL!. Its has nothing to do with race, though- I do it to all women around my age. It started when I got the “marriage bug” ( which I’m sure was catalyzed by everyone asking the dreaded-“so when are you getting married and having kids,” question) and has continued ever since ( and probably will continue until I get married).
oh the life of a single woman…