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Interracial Marriage: Reactions of Others

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In the last interracial marriage blog post, me and John told you guys about the reactions from family and friends… Today we talk about the reactions from strangers. Some of the questions I’ve received in email (and in person from new-ish friends oddly enough) are:

  • Do people think you two are not together when you go out?
  • Do people say anything to you in public?
  • What are people’s reactions and how do you deal with it?

Short answer: Yes. We get stared at sometimes. But honestly I think it’s because we’re just so damn good looking 😉

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Seriously, there are very few times where people have “come out of pocket” with us. The subway was good for that. There were a few confrontations from random guys who had something to say to us, usually due to liquid courage… but usually our interaction with people is just normal and happy go lucky. We’ve been together many years and I’d say we’ll get a rude comment or a weird happening maybe once a year.

I notice a lot of women in interracial relationships saying how people are always staring and always giving them dirty looks… maybe they’re in like kkk central or something, or maybe they’re just giving off a weird vibe themselves, or are just looking for that… We honestly don’t get too many dirty looks. We do get looked at though, but, so does everyone else.

That said…we’re in NYC. When we’re on vacation (Florida, DR, Mexico, Cruises, Caribbean islands) we get stared at like crazy. Like Crazy. It doesn’t make me uncomfortable….I gotta say, it would take a lot for me to feel uncomfortable if I’m out with John….but it is kinda wierd to feel like a spectacle. That’s when we get the curious strangers who ask the “How did you two meet?” type questions.

Oh my goodness, that just reminded me of our first trip to DR when we met another interracial couple (black man, white woman) on the resort and we were having drinks and the girl said to me something like “look everyone’s staring at us because we’re mixed couples” I looked around and not a daggone body was even paying us any attention. I guess she was just uncomfortable for some reason.

Definitely when we’re out with Roey we get more looks, I think because people are intrigued to see what the baby looks like…and I don’t think it’s race related…it’s just that babies are adorable and attract attention.

As for people thinking we’re not together...I know it has happened a couple times at restaurants. Nothing offensive by any means. I’ve made that mistake myself when I was working as a hostess.

Overall, unless we’re passing by those black isrealite dudes that “preach” about the dangers of the white devil on the city streets, we don’t have much negative reactions from people. Oh! I’ve noticed people (read: girls) looking down at my hand recently though…that’s new. I’ve noticed that lately when I’m with John or when I’m out with the baby. (Is that a “thing” now? Was that always happening and I just never noticed? ::shrug:: )

How I deal with people staring is to either ignore them, stare back, smile, or wave. Depending on my mood and general annoyance level for the day. Waving is usually the best tactic. But if it’s just a stank look I’ll just give em a:

And go about my business.

If it’s a rude comment and John starts going back and forth with the person I try to calm him down and we’ll leave the situation because I don’t want to have to bail him out for hurting some dummy. Luckily there hasn’t been any confrontation while we’re with Roey…and hopefully there never will be.

What has your experience been?

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Dee Dee

Tuesday 21st of May 2013

I'm way late in reading this, but I had to comment - I'm one of those girls that looks down at peoples hands for a wedding ring, LOL!. Its has nothing to do with race, though- I do it to all women around my age. It started when I got the "marriage bug" ( which I'm sure was catalyzed by everyone asking the dreaded-"so when are you getting married and having kids," question) and has continued ever since ( and probably will continue until I get married).

oh the life of a single woman...

pegster

Sunday 3rd of March 2013

I just want to say that I love that family pic (wish you could actually see Roey's face, it would have been perfect) and I so love your top bun, too cute.

Rachelle

Friday 1st of March 2013

I love that you are using "out of pocket." Is it fat of me to think of Hot Pockets coming out of the sleeve?

Anywho, who are these Black Israelites? I don't think I've ever seen one around NYC?

I definitely asked you about stares, so it was great and refreshing to hear you guys comment on it. The bf must have a bad memory too because he doesn't notice. One time I asked him, why don't you notice these things? He responds, "I'm too busy looking at you! "

These guys are slick these days. Real slick. But the truth is, women might be more aware/in tune with their surroundings then men are.

Camille

Friday 1st of March 2013

We get the stares, but it mostly from the Confederate welcoming committee. I wonder which would be more difficult...to be an interracial couple in the city or in the rural deep south like as the case for us.

Chris's Mom

Thursday 28th of February 2013

I see that I have you using "out of pocket" now. LOL. My favorite is when me and my other half go out together to a store and they always ask "um is this all together" when they ring up our stuff. It's like damn no we just have all our damn groceries lumped together! Of if we go to a restaurant they wanna know if we are together to be seated. We always get stares and the funniest is when one time my husband actually stopped and stared back at the person eye to eye and said yes I'm white and she's black and we have a butterscotch son, what? I died.

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