Before I get started: This is just MY opinion and experience. You can ask these same questions of someone else who’s interracially married, and they may say the complete opposite. I am just ONE person. Not an interracial marriage spokesperson.
After last week’s post about “swirling” I’ve gotten some really great emails! I’m glad you guys dig the theme. So, I’m going to try to lump the Q&A into categories.
Today’s questions are a few of those I’ve received about approval and reactions of people we know:
- What did your dad say when you brought John home?
- Do your families approve of your relationship?
- Do your friends approve?
- Are you the only interracial relationship in your family / circle of friends?
First off: I don’t give a good god damn about what people have to say about my marriage.
What did your dad say when you brought John home?
He said hello. Like any other normal person does when they meet someone.
I’m not sure what people expect here, like my father is going to go on some rant about racism, the white man holding him down and injustice in America just because there happens to be a white man at the dinner table. Please note, my parents have seen white people before.
But if you want some tea, I will say this: he didn’t like John when he met him. And not because of his skin….more because he was the guy doing the horizontal naughty dance with his daughter. And, by me bringing him home to meet the family, he knew that this was a guy who was going to be sticking around for a while. Little did he know it would be for.ev.er.
The more Dad and John spoke the more they realized that they were exactly alike (which sickens me to this day) just in opposite bodies.
Do your families approve of your relationship?
If they don’t, they haven’t notified me. I have one cousin for whom my relationship was the first interracial relationship she personally knew of. She knew about John long before she met him, and a few weeks after she first met him at my parents’ house, we were talking and she said something like “Oh, I wasn’t sure about interracial relationships before, but I guess it’s just…normal.”
I’m really glad she said that, because A: I didn’t know that it was something new for her and B: it was nice to know that she realized that it’s not a “thing” like some folks want to make it out to be. I have cousins on both sides of my family that are now in interracial relationships, as well.
Do your friends approve?
I am sad to report that I have lost a friend over dating John. She starting acting funny toward me after we started dating…when it seemed serious she actually had the nerve to “have a talk” with me about it. She politely let me know that I am to marry a man of color because as a black woman in America it is my duty to continue the diaspora by bearing brown skinned children from my womb. (because my biracial son doesn’t count as part of the diaspora…..) ::blank stare::
Let me throw shade at her for a moment: Because after all her lectures about me contributing to the diaspora….this chick popped up later and said…hey, guys I’m a lesbian now….and is NOT having children of her own. And has the nerve to be dating a girl who is biracial!! So…she’s not doing a damn thing for the diaspora….as is her duty….as a black woman in America!
Speaking of shade throwing: I just have one other friend who liked to remind me every time we spoke about John how she “can’t believe I’m with him” and “he’s so not what I expected you to end up with” etc etc. Nothing overtly racial though.
That’s it, my friends don’t care about foolishness like that. And if they do, they’re great at pretending they dont.
Are you the only interracial relationship in your family / circle of friends?
Nope. My cousin is newly married to a Japanese girl and they have the most adorable lil guy Jax:
who is born just 2 months after Rohan. (Can we say best friends?!) My cousin on my dad’s side is dating a girl who’s white and I hope he proposes and has cute lil cousins for Roey to play with very soon….(if you’re reading this Co, I’m looking at YOU.) I have a few friends in real life who are in interracial relationships/marriages, and LOADS of e-friends I’ve met via blog-land who are as well.
That’s it for now. I guess I’ll make this topic a weekly thing until I make it through all the questions. Keep sending them my way. But feel free to keep the ignorance to yourself.
Quite a few people have asked for John’s point of view on things, so I will see if he’ll answer the questions and do a post or vid or something for you guys too.
For those of my readers who are also in inter-racial (and hell….inter-faith, inter-cultural, inter-whateverthehell) relationships, I’d love to know your answers to the questions above. Share in the comments. I’m curious now!