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Interracial Marriage…Kind of a Big Deal

Hey girls,

So. This morning I was writing/editing a little essay that I started months ago but never got to finish. It’s about this whole “swirling” trend going on now. There seems to be a movement consisting of black women who’s goal in life is to attract, marry and procreate with white men. I didn’t realize it was such a “thing” until my cousin told me recently that John and my maternity shoot photos are all over interracial tumblr blogs, which led me down a googley rabbit hole of interracial relationship stuff…but majority seemed to be black women / non black men related.

You know, I love getting emails from blog readers, and I get a fair amount (which sidebar: makes me feel cool). The majority are comments and questions about John, our marriage, raising a biracial son….things we’ve had to deal with.  (second place goes to hair questions, and third place goes to random stuff like “where’d you get those boots?”)

And I also get a lot of emails from women asking for advice, or sharing their story with me. There seems to be a mix of well meaning questions stemming from genuine curiosity….to weird fetishy type questions, judgey, racist/ignorant comments and some sentiments of “awe.” (weird)

I didn’t really see my marriage as a big deal before. Well, it’s always a big deal for me, of course (it’s MY effin marriage)… I just didn’t see my marriage as something bigger than me before. Or something that other people would care enough to question or comment on. Now I realize, bittersweetly, that my marriage isn’t just a marriage. It’s an interratial marriage. It’s different. Yes. Even though we married for love, and we see interracial couples everywhere, it’s nothing for us….however…it’s a big deal for other people.

I wasn’t going to bring race, politics, religion and “hot” topics like that into my blog, but now I realize, as far as race goes, I can, should, and will bring it here to OK, Dani. I’m definitely not the “interracial marriage poster child” (despite my preggo belly on those people’s tumblrs) nor am I “down with the swirl” (a “movement” that in my opinion, fetishizes white people, regarding them as a trophy to be won by the po black man/woman who gets lucky) but I am a black woman, married to a white man, raising a biracial son and living in a racial world.

My voice is “different” and I don’t mind sharing it loudly.

So, I’ll be answering your questions and responding to your emails here. Sorry it took me so long to “get it” people.

Sidebar: Don’t you kinda wish interracial marriage wasn’t a “thing?” Wouldn’t it be nice if marriage was just called marriage no matter the color of the bride and groom?


Hit it Mike:

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Saturday 4th of July 2020

I am coming from the opposite side of the coin-I am a white woman that is dating a black man. I have currently only disclosed this to a few people as we have just starting dating but I think that many of my family members will flip out when they get knowledge of this. On the positive side, I have met his mother, niece, and sister and they are all happy for him and seem to like me. I am wondering how to address the potential backlash because things are going very well and he and I have a great connection.

John h

Monday 18th of February 2013

I dont notice anything different about being married to danielle. I guess partially because we live in the ny metro area and partially because I'm used to being the center of attention as I've been a large man for most of my life now. if anyone has anything negative to say or think they can go to hell but anything positive please share with the group and keep it coming was always my philosophy:-)


Monday 18th of February 2013

Dani, Thank you for writing this post! I've always wanted to reach out to you on the topic, but felt like, hey, if you aren't talking about it, then maybe it isn't a big issue. But even living in NYC, the boyfriend and I get stares as if this is the 1940s. It hurts sometimes, but I've worked to get over the pain associated with it. I, like you, don't want to be a poster child for the "interracial" relationship. Rather, I want to be a poster child for Love. It doesn't matter the superficial outwardly features (even though I am insanely attracted to my boo!), what matters is whats on the inside. And that, has no color, or sociological construct. It is, what it is.


Saturday 16th of February 2013

Umm....I kinda want to be featured on the interracial tumblr pages.... ;)



Friday 15th of February 2013

Love is love. I think people have a tough time accepting anything other that what they deem as "normal," hence all of this hoopla about defending "traditional" marriage.

My dad is Iranian and my mom is African American, they've been married for 31 years and still act like 19 year olds with each other. I am biracial (although I don't necessarily identify with that label) and my love is of Indian/Pakistani descent from east Africa. He's Muslim, I was raised Christian (with an understanding of Islamic tradition/religion thanks to my Iranian culture). My family and my relationship are anything BUT "traditional," but the love we feel and express is as universal as it gets.

People get worked up over differences and love to slap labels on people and things. Someday people will accept how universal the human experience is. Love, in any shape and form, is normal.

Can't wait to read your posts on this topics! All the best

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