I have a mom confession. I wish I only had one child.
When Rohan was born I loved that one boy to the point I thought I’d explode. I had no idea how I was supposed to somehow make space in my heart to love another child. Then when Kaya came around when Rohan was 20 months I realized…ohhh…your heart just grows! Now I am grateful to be blessed with two little nuggets that I love with all my expanded heart.
And still…..I wish I only had one of them.
I have mentioned time and again how grateful we are to have my extended family near by. It’s a huge part of why we chose to move from NYC to south Florida. They are constantly taking one or both of my kids and allowing me a little room to breathe. My aunts take great care of Rohan and Kaya….spoil them and overfeed them just like they did with me at their ages. On a good week we usually have 1 or 2 days where I only have one child, and maybe 1 day when I’m free from mom duty alltogether.
The problem is the weeks when my aunts can’t take my little monsters and I have them both at home full time. Now if they never took them, I wouldn’t know the beauty of being a mom of one or the freedom of being child-free. No. I wouldn’t know what I was missing.
When the kids are trying to murder each other, or both pawing at me at the same time, using that shrill and shreiky tone, or the whiney cry…. I wouldn’t have those fond memories of the one-child days to pine for. When Kaya is hiding to sneakily open some tube of something toxic and Rohan is trying out all his bad words and testing my limits I just want to ship them both off to boot camp. Or one of my aunties’ houses.
I wish I only had one child. At a time, that is. When Rohan and Kaya are together there is more noise, mess, injury, violence, stickiness, whining, “NO” screamed at the top of lungs, pulling at my clothes and way more fighting to eat/sleep/get dressed/listen.
When it’s just one. Doesn’t matter which one… Oh my goodness you guys, that one is an angel. An angel I tell you!
That one listens. That one is sweet and obedient. That one is calm and fun and patient. When it’s just one I don’t have to redirect, raise my voice, give a look, use a stern tone, separate fights, threaten, discipline, mediate arguments, bribe, remember to hand things to them at the same time, give pieces the same size, think of who chose the song or show last so we can take turns.
When it’s just one I can get work done. I can cook easily, clean up easily. I don’t have to consider how to make each activity suitable for two ages. I don’t have to think of activities both will enjoy, or books both will want to hear at the same time. I have more room to just breathe. And sometimes….sometimes I can even poop alone.
Even though we’re homeschooling, Rohan is trying out a 3-hour montessori program that starts this fall. So for 3 precious hours a day I will have just one child.
I. Cannot. Wait.
Do you have any mom confessions?