BFF Whether You Like It Or Not!


It’s my goal for Rohan and Kaya to be besties for life.

I’m going to make it happen whether want it to or not.

For the most part they get along really well. Their age difference is just 21 months so it’s likely they’ll be into some of the same stuff at the same time. Sometimes Ro is like, get this baby away from me, and will be a lil bully. And sometimes Kai will attach Ro like the honeybadger she is…

But…we’re trying to discourage that behavior and force them…ok not force them…encourage them… to be best friends.

Here’s how I’m making my kids BFFs whether they like it or not:

1. Sharing a room and a playroom

We have two rooms that could easily be separate bedrooms, but, not on my watch. I refuse to have any of that locking doors, “he/she won’t let me in” “he/she won’t play with me” crap going on. They will be equal co-owners of both the bedroom and the playroom.

2. Encouraging “teaching,” showing and sharing

If Kaya picks a flower in the yard and brings it over, we talk about it, praise her and remind her to show her brother, keeping him included. When Rohan does something like, write a letter, and brings it to us, we praise him and have him “teach” Kaya how to write the letter. (Hilarity usually ensues…but it works to keep them engaged with EACH OTHER…. instead of only with mommy and daddy.


3. Joint decisions

I offer two choices of most things so Ro feels a bit of independence and a part of the goings on. Lately I have had him and Kaya make the decision. “Do you want oranges or apple slices?” Ro will immediately give his response, and Kaya just touches whatever one Ro touched so she “agrees” with the decision. Rohan doesn’t know how lucky he is with this one right now…Kaya just copycats what he wants… but once she gets her own mind… this is going to be a rough one.

4. Shared Rituals

Our bedtime routine was separated, but in the past few months we have started to do a joint night-night routine of story and a song and then we kinda traipse through the house singing the song and putting the kids into their bed and crib. (that was a really bad description lol) The mornings are separate for them because Ro wakes with the roosters and Kai could sleep til noon if we let her….so creating a joint night time routine was important for me. We also do shared meals and when they’re home with me, I’ve got them on the same napping schedule. (All praise be to Allah!)

I have a very deep need for them to be very close, if not best friends. I know it’s morbid, but I think about them staying close after I die.

My brother and I are 14 YEARS apart. I feel like I raised that boy. It made for a weird dynamic of MommySister as he got older, but now he’s turning 20 this year and we are closer than ever. He’s my lil BFF whether he likes it or not.

I’m going to ensure Kaya and Rohan have a strong bond from the beginning til long after I’m gone.

Any tips for me on ensuring close siblings?


  1. says

    This is so sweet! My girls are 6 years and you would think they would get along better *rolls eyes real hard* but we’re working on it. LOL I’m like you and they are gonna love to be sisters whether they like it or not haha!!!

  2. says

    My brother and I are both in our 20s but four years apart and the two of us are extremely close. We also NEVER Fight… like ever. Most people think it’s crazy. Meanwhile, one of my best friends is 10 months apart from her older brother and they barely speak – so it really has nothing to do with age and everything with how you choose to teach them.

    I think one of the things my parents did to make sure my brother and I maintained a close relationship is making it clear that family time is family time. We never had the choice to go out with our friends if we were supposed to do something with each other. Engraining in our heads that my brother was a priority over friends and vice versa for him was something that certainly stuck.

  3. says

    My brother and I are a little less than 2 years apart and super close. My grandmother raised us for the most part and she drilled into us that if we had no one else then we’d always have each other and I think that’s one thing that makes us remain super close. So maybe your tactic isn’t all that morbid. Or maybe you and my grandma both are lmao who knows. But it worked for us!

  4. Jumi says

    I love that you want them to be BFFs and that you are starting young. My husband and I also believe in sharing a room and everything. I love seeing the bond between your kiddos. Will be looking to you for advise in the future

  5. AprilD says

    That is so sweet! My older sister and I are definitely besties. Besides my husband she’s the person I go to when I want to have fun or just chill or do something random! So I’m team force your kids to be besties lol

  6. says

    Your kids are too cute! I can definitely relate. My brother and I were tied to the hip until he was school aged, but we’re still close. I can pretty much tell him anything. I can see that type of relationship with my niece and nephew now and it really makes my heart glad.

  7. says

    I absolutely LOVE this idea and I’m definitely going to steal some of these practices too! Especially the showing and sharing! Mean are 3 years apart and will definitely share a room for a while! Fun times! x

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