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Interracial Marriage Q and A

okdani interracial wedding photo

Here are a few answers to questions I received after posting the last couple posts on the Interracial Marriage topic. Feel free to keep the questions coming. I’m happy to share my perspective.

  1. What made you decide to date outside of your race?
  2. Why do you only date white boys? (One person actually asked “Why don’t you like black men?” LOL)
  3. Did you expect to marry John (or marry a white guy?)
  4. Do you and John have culture clashes?

What made you decide to date outside of your race?

I don’t think there was ever a day that I woke up and said. “OK! This is it. Today’s the day I’m going to try some vanilla!” I’ve always found men of all shades from blackestblack to paleasallhell good looking. There doesn’t have to be a finite decision to date interracially unless you choose to make it something momentous in your own head. It’s just dating. If I have to answer the question, I guess I decided to date outside my race when a cutie that wasn’t black asked me out.

Why do you only date white boys?

This kills me. If I meet you for the first time, and you’re wearing a blue shirt, I don’t assume that you only wear blue shirts every day of your life. I’m not sure why the same common sense doesn’t apply when it comes to relationships. I’m not sure why people assume that about me and other women who date interracially. I love black men. I love dark brown skin period. (Whether you’re black or latino or whatever) I do know that some women seek white men out specifically (“swirlers” lol), and actually an interracially married blogger that I used to love reading mentioned that she’s pursued only white guys since she was younger, but most of the women I know that are dating or married to white men currently, have a list of exes that look like a benneton ad. (read: all different colors) I’ve hooked up with dated guys in every color of the rainbow.

Did you expect to marry John (or a white man?)

Not til I met John. This actually stems from my thoughts about my kids. When I was younger I pictured myself having little brown biscuit babies. Specifically, a feisty daughter that was a mini me (read: brown and adorable!) that I pictured chasing around the house on hair-washing days. In order to get my brown biscuits I’d have to have married a brown father. It wasn’t until John and I got serious that I realized I’d probably be having tan biscuits instead.

Do you and John have culture clashes?

Nothing that’s really race specific; our culture clashes are more to do with how we were raised, than with the race we were raised by. I mean, we’re both American, ultimately. And from the NYC area. If I was fresh from Jamaica and he was fresh from Ireland then maybe we’d have more differences (and awesome accents) to share with each other. I can’t think of any real culture clash. Except John not understanding any reggae songs until I translate them for him and then he’s like “oh my god I hear it now!” I do remember earlier in our relationship him inviting me to his parents’ house for St. Patrick’s day and in my head I was like “I don’t wanna go out drinking with your parents!” I didn’t realize it was anything other than a green beer drinking, get smashed holiday, so I was in party mode, and get to the house and see a whole sit down dinner w/ corned beef and whatnot. lol.

 I’d love to hear your answers to these questions, and for my readers who are NOT in interracial relationships I’d love to hear about you and your significant other’s culture clashes.

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Rachelle

Thursday 21st of March 2013

1) What made you decide to date outside of your race?

I never really made a formal decision. I just knew that one day I stopped thinking guys had cooties and I wanted to get to know them more, lol!

Why do you only date white boys? (One person actually asked “Why don’t you like black men?” LOL)

I've gotten this too! I don't get why if you are X and you don't date X, then you must be an X-hater. That thought makes so sense! I'll just tell them, if you met my A, you'd want to date him too!

Did you expect to marry John (or marry a white guy?)

There was a moment where I realized that I would love to marry my bf. But I think there is a moment in almost any relationship where you realize, two will become one (sorry for the cheesy spice girls reference!)

Do you and A have culture clashes? Surprisingly no. Jewish & Haitian cultures are pretty similar with huge focuses on family and love and respect for elders. Whether A and I have other clashes...lol!

Love these Dani! Keep them up!

pegster

Wednesday 20th of March 2013

Such great questions. I am loving your answers :)

1) I have always been a very open minded person. I've never really let someone's race determine if we would go on a date.

2) I am an equal opportunity dater :). I've dated Indian, Korean, Black, White, Mixed, African, a whole spectrum of handsome men

3) I never really thought I would marry anything but an African man. Thought I dated outside my race I figured ultimately I would end up with a nice Cameroonian guy. My husband was a total left field choice, yet the best decision I have ever made. Our kids are more perfect than I dreamed in my wildest dreams :).

4) We definitely have culture clashes, I am African and he is English. I feel like we were on total different pages but we managed to get on the same page and we definitely embrace each others differences. We get along so well, you would never know we come from such different background.

Kathy C.

Tuesday 19th of March 2013

First off... love that pic of you and John! Super cute!! Ok, this questions are interesting. I'll try and answer as best I can from my viewpoint. 1) I didn't really have a choice in that matter. I grew up in a very predominantly white community. That's all there was lol. Ok, there were a couple black men...and I did go on one date with one. But honestly I was open to whomever I had a connection with. Now, there were some white guys who's parents weren't to keen on them dating a black girl...but that's a whole other topic right? :) 2)I didn't just date white boys. It just so happened a lot of the white boys wanted to date me. haha... I sound so popular! It was like 3 guys. 3) I guess I never thought about the race of my future husband. But like you, Dani, I pictured little chocolate brown babies. When I met Matt...the babies I envisioned turned all carmel with red hair... I was down with that too. :) 4)Yes, but we find a way to make it work. He's from the country...like rolling hills of farmland. I'm from the suburbs (which he calls the city)...with parents straight out of Africa. We've had to adjust a lot. You should have seen our wedding lol.

YUMMommy

Tuesday 19th of March 2013

I don't think my husband and I had any culture clashes with the exception of how close I am to my family. When he first met them and saw how we did things I think it overwhelmed him bit because growing up in foster care he never had that closeness and wasn't used to people just walking in and feeling right at home. It took him a while to get used my family coming over to our place and helping themselves to things. But we were raised with the motto that when it comes to certain things 'what's mine is yours.'

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