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Interracial Marriage: Approval and Reactions (family and friends)

wedding

Before I get started: This is just MY opinion and experience. You can ask these same questions of someone else who’s interracially married, and they may say the complete opposite. I am just ONE person. Not an interracial marriage spokesperson.

After last week’s post about “swirling” I’ve gotten some really great emails! I’m glad you guys dig the theme. So, I’m going to try to lump the Q&A into categories.

Today’s questions are a few of those I’ve received about approval and reactions of people we know:

  • What did your dad say when you brought John home?
  • Do your families approve of your relationship?
  • Do your friends approve?
  • Are you the only interracial relationship in your family / circle of friends?

First off: I don’t give a good god damn about what people have to say about my marriage.

That said….

What did your dad say when you brought John home?

He said hello. Like any other normal person does when they meet someone.

I’m not sure what people expect here, like my father is going to go on some rant about racism, the white man holding him down and injustice in America just because there happens to be a white man at the dinner table. Please note, my parents have seen white people before.

But if you want some tea, I will say this: he didn’t like John when he met him. And not because of his skin….more because he was the guy doing the horizontal naughty dance with his daughter. And, by me bringing him home to meet the family, he knew that this was a guy who was going to be sticking around for a while. Little did he know it would be for.ev.er.

The more Dad and John spoke the more they realized that they were exactly alike (which sickens me to this day) just in opposite bodies.

Do your families approve of your relationship?

If they don’t, they haven’t notified me. I have one cousin for whom my relationship was the first interracial relationship she personally knew of. She knew about John long before she met him, and a few weeks after she first met him at my parents’ house, we were talking and she said something like “Oh, I wasn’t sure about interracial relationships before, but I guess it’s just…normal.”

I’m really glad she said that, because A: I didn’t know that it was something new for her and B: it was nice to know that she realized that it’s not a “thing” like some folks want to make it out to be. I have cousins on both sides of my family that are now in interracial relationships, as well.

Do your friends approve?

I am sad to report that I have lost a friend over dating John. She starting acting funny toward me after we started dating…when it seemed serious she actually had the nerve to “have a talk” with me about it. She politely let me know that I am to marry a man of color because as a black woman in America it is my duty to continue the diaspora by bearing brown skinned children from my womb. (because my biracial son doesn’t count as part of the diaspora…..) ::blank stare::

Let me throw shade at her for a moment: Because after all her lectures about me contributing to the diaspora….this chick popped up later and said…hey, guys I’m a lesbian now….and is NOT having children of her own. And has the nerve to be dating a girl who is biracial!! So…she’s not doing a damn thing for the diaspora….as is her duty….as a black woman in America!

Speaking of shade throwing: I just have one other friend who liked to remind me every time we spoke about John how she “can’t believe I’m with him” and “he’s so not what I expected you to end up with” etc etc. Nothing overtly racial though.

That’s it, my friends don’t care about foolishness like that. And if they do, they’re great at pretending they dont.

Are you the only interracial relationship in your family / circle of friends?

Nope. My cousin is newly married to a Japanese girl and they have the most adorable lil guy Jax:

KIMG0184

who is born just 2 months after Rohan. (Can we say best friends?!) My cousin on my dad’s side is dating a girl who’s white and I hope he proposes and has cute lil cousins for Roey to play with very soon….(if you’re reading this Co, I’m looking at YOU.)  I have a few friends in real life who are in interracial relationships/marriages, and LOADS of e-friends I’ve met via blog-land who are as well.

That’s it for now. I guess I’ll make this topic a weekly thing until I make it through all the questions. Keep sending them my way. But feel free to keep the ignorance to yourself. 🙂

Quite a few people have asked for John’s point of view on things, so I will see if he’ll answer the questions and do a post or vid or something for you guys too.

For those of my readers who are also in inter-racial (and hell….inter-faith, inter-cultural, inter-whateverthehell) relationships, I’d love to know your answers to the questions above. Share in the comments. I’m curious now!

 

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CIN

Wednesday 18th of January 2017

Just wanted to say that your husband is an absolute hunk. That is all!

Ij

Saturday 17th of August 2013

@sabrina,no greater love than Black love? Get over yourself honey. That in itself is ignorant and myopic. BTW I am as black as they come.

The Mrs./ The Mom

Friday 22nd of February 2013

Great posts. But the premise behind the swirling is giving me a headache.

Jenni

Thursday 21st of February 2013

I father died the weekend he was to meet my then boyfriend now husband for the first time. I'd told my dad about him and that he wasn't black. My dad looked at me said, "ok" and we continued with other topics of conversation. No big deal. The majority of my family met my husband at my dad's funeral. No one has ever said anything about him to my face. In the beginning, I heard about a few rumblings from a couple of family members, but nothing overtly insensitive and nothing said directly to me. When my husband's sisters first met me they were "amazed" that "I was nothing like the black girls they saw on the train... and how intelligent I was." His mother expressed concerned for our unborn and not even thought about children and how they would be treated in school. *This from a woman who is Italian/Irish and had three kids with a Puerto Rican man!* His step-mom, who is Ukrainian, had a black god-mother and thought that made her the expert on all black women! So, needless to say, it was a rocky start with them. My friends are supportive. If they have issues, they've never made them known to me. We are the only interracial couple in our circle of friends an immediate family.

Mrs JK

Thursday 21st of February 2013

Haha, I love your tone, doesn't sound angry to me.

What did your dad say: Nothing much coz my mom was doing all the talking. No actually, screaming, shouting and crying...lol. My dad, being the only man in a house of seriously opinonated woman (mom, sister and I), decided not to put in his veiws until after 8months of my mom not speaking to me in an attempt to "mend" his broken family. He told me he didn't care weather i was lesbian or chose to be with someone of another race, just as long as he( or she, had that been the case) loves u, treats u good and makes u happy. My mom eventually came round.

Do family approve: My aunt (whom I love ever so dearly) told my mom in law that she was so worried when she found out and she went on to say "but look at her, I've never seen her so happy". I'd like to believe thats how the rest of my family feels, if not, Im greatful for them not sharing this with me, because I still love them all.

Do friends approve: Yes. and thats all :)

Am I the only one in an interacial and intercultural rship in my family and amoungst my close friend: not amoungst my friends, but in my family (a huge one at that, I have just over 30 first cousins whom I am very close to) yup (Im labelled the rebel child...for many other really random reasons)

Dani

Thursday 21st of February 2013

Wow! Your mom went hard! I'm glad she came around. Did you know her feelings on interracial dating before you and your man got together? I'm glad you're the rebel child, and sidebar: i like your blog so far.

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