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A Crackhead Story

September 21, 2011 by Dani Faust 17 Comments

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I gotta tell you this…

About a month or two ago, a little shrunken, wrinkley old lady came to my door.  She had her head and eyes lowered and told me a story:

“There was a tragedy, the Martinez boy in the next building passed away this morning.  He was 5 years old and he got electrocuted.”

Me: *GASP* OMG what happened?

“He touched the back of the family’s TV and his hands were wet.”

Me:

At this point I realized she was not some gossiping old lady, but someone trying to hit me up for cash…I said:  That’s terrible.

She goes: “So we’re going around the neighborhood collecting what we can to help her bury her son.”

This is where she raised her face/eyes to me and I noticed her mouth was devoid of teeth and her mustache was thicker than John’s (and somehow jet black though her hair was gray)….

*gag*

Anyway…I apologized, told her I didn’t carry cash but was happy to donate online with my credit card if there was a website or something set up…..

I couldn’t even get my sentence out before she rolled her eyes and walked away.

Fast forward to last night:

Guess who knocked on my door!!!

I recognized this crackhead shyster immediately, but I guess all the crack made her forget she’s visited my door before.  She gave me the same exact story about that poor Martinez boy!  I had to start laughing, I told her, I remember this story from the last time he died and she said “Thank You!” and scurried away.  HAHHAA

WTF?!!

I’m laughing even as I write this.  You can’t make these things up folks.

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Filed Under: My Life

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Comments

  1. Miss. Leah says

    September 21, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    HAAAAAAAA OMG this is hilarious!!!! No teeth and a black mustache….Scurries away….fateful return with the same dry story… No you cant make this up!!!

    Reply
  2. Jen says

    September 21, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    I gasped too when I read he was electrocuted and then started LOL! “Rolled her eyes,” you apparently weren’t the first to not fall for her ploy. “Scurried away.” LOL

    http://www.justgrowalready.com

    Reply
  3. stephanie says

    September 21, 2011 at 3:39 pm

    HAHAHAHAHA! the description of her teeth and facial hair is pirceless! LoL

    Reply
  4. Janeen says

    September 21, 2011 at 4:30 pm

    Hilarious! This is literally Laugh Out Loud funny

    Reply
  5. Quiana says

    September 21, 2011 at 5:03 pm

    Oh wow! That is STRANGE! NYC never ceases to amaze me.

    Reply
  6. Dancy says

    September 21, 2011 at 5:16 pm

    What?! Damn, I’ve seen those people on the subways & trains, but they’ve never come knocking on my door. Bwahaha!! 🙂

    Reply
  7. YUMMommy says

    September 21, 2011 at 5:30 pm

    LMAO!! This reminded me of some of my run-ins with crackheads. It’s sad that drugs have taken over their life to point they make up lies about death though.

    Reply
  8. Ivy says

    September 21, 2011 at 5:38 pm

    HAHAHHAAH omg, there are definitely some crazy people walking around.

    Reply
  9. Texlaxed & Things says

    September 21, 2011 at 11:41 pm

    LMAO!!!

    Reply
  10. Faith says

    September 22, 2011 at 1:11 am

    hahahaha, too funny …. i don’t know if i should feel bad about how hard i am laughing at this post!

    Reply
  11. Mrs. Pancakes says

    September 22, 2011 at 2:43 am

    This is funny…I would have laughed out loud too! At least she didn’t cop a ‘tude when you told her you already knew the story!

    Reply
  12. KalleyC says

    September 22, 2011 at 10:44 pm

    This was funny. Dang, when I first started reading it, I was like, “oh man, a boy died.” but then after reading the rest I’m like, “damn, people ain’t got no shame.”

    Like Ms. Pancakes said, at least she didn’t “cop a ‘tude.”

    Reply
  13. Yogi says

    September 23, 2011 at 8:43 pm

    Girl lol @ I told her, I remember this story from the last time he died. Gotta Love It!!

    Reply
  14. Rikkia says

    October 4, 2011 at 11:47 pm

    That Eddie Murphy expression was priceless for this story…HaHa

    Reply
  15. Tiffany Hathorn says

    July 20, 2014 at 8:41 pm

    HAAAA!!!!! I love your response when she knocked on your door the second time. And that Eddie Murphy picture is PERFECT.

    Reply
  16. AprilD says

    November 14, 2014 at 12:53 pm

    LMBO!!! Glad you reposted this for TBT

    Reply
  17. linda says

    October 22, 2019 at 11:03 am

    i am a crackhead myself, clean and sober for 25 years i can believe it. I too can tell some stories of my own

    Reply

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