I just said that.
Actually… I want a third and a fourth child.
—insert John fainting here haha —
When we were just dating, before marriage and kids, John and I always said we wanted two children naturally– a boy, and a girl. Then we planned on adopting an older boy when our children were older.
That was the plan.
After Kai was born I was like…yup. This is it. Shop lock. We dun. Uh uh. No mas por favor.
Now, she’s about to turn 3 next month. Rohan turns 5 in June. And I think I want another baby.
That said… I don’t want Kai to be a middle child. So we need to round things out to 4 children. ::side eye to myself::
John is on board for baby #3. This is a huge surprise. When I mentioned a 3rd child jokingly when Kai was younger, he would break out in a red-faced sweat.
He always wanted 3 children. But…having another baby (or two) would really change things.
There is the practical stuff like: more money, a bigger car, bigger home, more shuffling around with schools and activities…
But I think about the other random tiny changes 3 or more children would bring like:
- One of my babies being the odd man out (if 3)
- Not being able to snuggle all 3 the same during storytime
- Not having 3 arms to hold all 3 hands at once when we’re crossing a street
I asked friends on facebook what their challenges were with having 3 or more children. They mentioned logistical concerns with activities, money concerns, travel inconvenience and cost, noisy messy house, fighting, giving each enough 1:1 attention, the time it takes to get out the house, to bed, finish dinner, etc…
So many negatives.
Notice I didn’t ask them about the benefits.
Subconsciously I wanted to be talked out of it I guess. Ha!
Even when I write my own pro vs con list about it… my con side is like 10 pages long and the pro side is just like: LOVE.
Right now John and I have tabled the discussion. But… I’m 35 and have rough pregnancies so I need to hurry up and decide.
So I am totally there with you! I had my tubes tied after my twins because if I got pregnant again there was a high chance I could have more twins. Well after one passed away I totally regretted the decision having them tied because here I am years later wishing I had never done it because I want another child. So I hope that you get a chance to have another one or two!!!
Oh no! Carissa I’m sorry to hear it. I’ll have two and throw one your way lol. Deal?
Seriously it’s a hard decision to make and I don’t know what to do….yet.
Go for it Dani because ya’ll make some beautiful smart kiddos! I’m sure you two will do just fine raising 4
Thank you!! LOL I wish the decision was easier. How many do you have?
Hey Dani! We have three and LOVE it! Now, we knew we wanted to have another right after our second son was born. I know that sounds weird, but it’s true. After having an emergency C-section with our first, I wasn’t sure I could do it again–well, I was able to have a natural birth the second time and was so ecstatic, we did it again and got our girl. Hubby’s had a vasectomy so the kitchen’s closed, but we have zero regrets. I say, “Go for it!” Take it one baby at a time. Three may work out well, y’know?
I had emergency C with my first, then a planned C for my second. I kinda don’t want to go through that again…but it would be worth it for another little nugget to love. Glad to know 3 works perfectly for you. Any challenges with 3 over 2?
Angela McGreevy says
Hey Dani, just joined and LOVE your site! I am to 6 wonderful blessings, two biological and 4 adopted. I had an extremely difficult time getting pregnant and then had nearly tragic deliveries. So after the second we got introduced to foster care and adoption through foster care. We had been interested but were scared. Then once we actually knew and talked to people who had done it, we realized it wasn’t that scary. Also, adopting through foster care is often free and sometimes comes with subsidies from the state (it’s different in every state but we get a monthly subsidy for all 4 of ours plus the state Medicaid insurance for kids) so if you’re struggling to afford another child this might be the way to go. If you’re thinking you wouldn’t be able to get a baby but only an older child, that’s not true either. We brought both our boys home from the hospital right after they were born and our girls were 5 and 3 months old when they came to live us. Not trying to push or anything, but I know a lot of people think about adopting and foster to adopt but they often don’t do it for fear of the unknown. So I would be more than happy to answer any questions you might have as well as be huge encouragement/cheerleader if you decide to go that route.
At any rate, I wish you luck and discernment as you work on this decision.
Angie thank you so much for sharing that!! John and I always spoke about adopting and fostering (my uncle fostered boys for years) and we would like to get an older boy…however, my fears lie with the parents coming back and them taking my child away from me. Is that totally irrational? I heard it happens. Adopting a baby isn’t even something that I had considered at. all. I don’t even know why…. Thanks again for sharing and I may want to pick your brain one day…soon.
Angela McGreevy says
Dani, we did have one baby girl who we brought home at one day old. We thought we would be adopting her even though it hadn’t been our intention. And then when she was seven months old her aunt came into the picture and was eventually granted custody. She then adopted her after completing all the many requirements. We still have contact with them and it’s a great situation. She is very loved and well cared for and we still get to watch her grow up.
But once adoptions are finalized the birth family doesn’t get to show up and take them back. They have to prove fraud in the adoption process and that just never happens since the state knows how to cross all their T’s and dot all their I’s.
You can also choose which placements you take and you can choose to only take placements headed for adoption or placements who are already available to be adopted. Especially if you’re interested in an older child.
Anyway, I will be here and would be more than happy to answer questions. Good luck to you.
Angela McGreevy says
That should read I am MOM to 6 wonderful blessings