I went to change my name on all my important documents yesterday. (oh yeah, and on facebook too)
I meant to take John’s surname, I really did…..but I ended up hyphenating.
I love John and want us to be one family and all, but I don’t want to let go of “the old me” so abruptly.
He thinks it’s a bad omen that I didn’t want to take his name immediately. 🙁
Am I a bad wife?
I’ve had my name forever. I’m attached to it ya know. It’s an awesome name. It’s strong. It’s different. It’s an opera and a really good book. It served as my first name all through high school and college. It’s ME.
Shortly after John and I announced our engagement, his mom invited us over for a celebratory dinner. At some point during the night, she pulled me aside conspiratorially and asked if I’m really ready to be a ______ (John’s Surname). She laughed and said, “it’s okay if you’re not. I didn’t want that name either! Your children are gunna get teased ya know.” And she laughed and left me in the corner to pray my kids are bigger than the bullies in their school.
My friend thinks I’m just hesitant to take his name because I don’t like it. I bitched vented complained talked to her and she shut me down with the most insensitive insightful words: “oh stop it dan, if he had a cute last name we wouldn’t be having this conversation would we, now go change your name, horsey.”
(what a witch! lol)
I think it’s more than just that. (tho i have always maintained that I would marry someone with the last name Alexander so my name could be Danielle Alexander – and don’t forget our children Joshua Alexander and Corrine Alexander….so perfect. ::sigh::)
Granted John and his brother were both called an animal nickname all the way through school….and work…and I’m sure the same fate awaits my poor children, but I feel like what the name is matters little, and the fact that I have to replace my own with it is what’s really bugging me. Who is this new person with this new name?
I know it’s completely irrational, but I feel like it’s insulting my dad somehow. Like now that I’m a married woman, this awesome name I’ve had forever is now trashed and I have to take on this new identity from here on out. (Thank God I have a brother, he’s going to have to have like 7 boy children so the name can live on!)
I’m going to miss my short and sweet name. I think eventually when I get used to John’s name I’ll stop hyphenating. (I know that’ll make John happy) I just didn’t expect to have such a strong emotional reaction to changing my name.
Did you take your hubby’s name? Do you love your new name? Did your hubby care if you changed your name or not? Were you a weirdo like me and had a last name you wanted to marry into when you were younger? hehe Will I ever get over my new name fears?
Taneica
Wednesday 22nd of February 2012
Oh, I kept my last name. It's now my 2nd middle name and his name is my last name. He said he didnt care, but he kept bothering me about it, so I think it meant more to him than he let on. lol! I agree with you. It's hard to let go of your name that you had your entire life. I felt it was the best thing for me to keep my last name somewhere in the mix since my dad doesnt have any sons. The name dies with me and my sister. lol! My entire name is a mouthful now though...
Dani
Wednesday 22nd of February 2012
I Hyphenated, but I think I'm going to just make my maiden name my middle name, and drop Marie. Then I'll be DFH.
Anonymous
Sunday 12th of December 2010
Ok, I know that i'm super late but i just found ur blog through lhcf and here I am going through each post. My bf and I had this very same conversation this morning!! Granted, we have the same last n as me (no, we're not related!!!) But I said that if it was differnt then I would have hyphenated, and got upset!!!!
Yolanda "Yogi" Allen
Wednesday 17th of November 2010
that's funny!! I have never thought about what name I wanted to marry into...Yolanda Allen is just perfect....there aren't many last names that fit with Yolanda....I plan to hyphenate! My name is pretty much branded right now so it would be too much to change it...I'll just be another Jada Pinkett Smith! ;-D
Stephanie in Suburbia
Monday 15th of November 2010
My new name is awesome, but my old name was super short and impossible to pronounce and spell. So there was no question for me. But do what you want to do! I don't think it means any bad omen about not wanting to be a family. My only caution is I've seen it cause issues when kids are in school, etc. But you can always cross that bridge when you come to it!
Brandi
Saturday 13th of November 2010
My legal name is my husband's name but I kept my maiden name as my stage name since I was already acting before we got married so I guess I get to enjoy the best of both worlds. If I ever decide to leave the acting biz though, that name will not carry on.
When we got married 3 years ago my husband was very happy and proud that I agreed to take on his last name while it just seemed like a formality to me at the time. Now, however, I'm so glad that I changed it because there's something special about being Mr. & Mrs. ***** that I don't know would feel the same if we were Mr. ***** and Mrs. ****-*****. I know it may seem like the unmodern thing to do but I believe sharing your name is one of the many things that make you closer as a couple. BUT there's definitely WAY more important things in a marriage than just this so if changing your name makes you really comfortable then come to a compromise.