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Interracial Marriage: Why I’m Glad He Called My Husband a “Race Mixer”

This was original published in May 2018. Feels like it’s worth sharing again rightaboutnow. ::heavy sigh::

So… spoiler alert. I’m in an interracial marriage. I know. Shocker. We are 17 years deep in this ish. I’m trolling my husband’s facebook today and come across one of our beautiful family photos. He had just changed his main profile image to one of our professional shots from Beaches Negril back in 2016. We are all looking adorable. I go down the comments to heart all the sweet ones and come across this gem:

I saw that and had a knee jerk reaction to that last part. Interracial marriage = race mixing… got it.

Actual footage of me:

Aw shucks, thanks Bolen. Rhymes with colon. You don’t care if he “race mixes” in 2018. ‘Preciate ya for that one. Your faux-approval and opinions on our interracial marriage mean so much to us! Now, outside of this person clearly lacking social skills and from the looks of his photos, a shower, I’m grateful he posted his hateful shit on my husband’s timeline.

Yes. I said grateful. Not because I’m Dani and I can find a silver lining to anything if you give me a chance to… but because it is an awesome conversation starter. A good one for our current strained racial climate. …Not that our racial climate isn’t ALWAYS strained…but you know what I mean.

  • Black boys murdered by cops every 5 minutes for infractions such as…breathing.
  • Innocent Black people getting cops called on them for sitting in a coffeeshop, bbqing, existing…etc.
  • Tiki torch rallies
  • All lives matter
  • The orange one yall elected. Yes yall.

I posted the image above on my timeline and as I expected, my friends came out swinging. Rage, horror, annoyance, jokes at his expense, anger… and one I didn’t quite expect from my circle: shock.


Because people are somehow still SHOCKED at overt racism. (note: 2018) This is why some people vehemently deny covert racism.

Now, because Bolen the colon looks like a hybrid of moe+barney from the Simpsons, mixed with your average neighborhood meth head, my friends went in on him. And it is comfortable to go in on the inbred looking asshat for being a racist. It’s easy to make dirty, poor, southern yokels, cousin-marrying, grade-school education having, rednecks the face of racism. It feels better to white people.

Yeah I said it.

Now, discussing systemic racism, generations-long, institutional racism….oh…”well…that’s not a thing…fake news…black president….everyone’s equal….my grandpa had to pull himself up by his bootstraps…you’re just playing the race card….and ummm black on black crime too…yeah…that’s the ticket.”

Real talk: With the exception of a recent instance, this is the first time racism hit me directly from someone who looks like trash. It is usually the white collar, clean cut, educated, upscale white and asian/east asian males that shoot their white nationalist shot at me. So, check your peoples, friends.

That doesn’t feel as good to folks because it makes them look at themselves and not like it. So….Don’t worry, we’re just talking blatant overt racism today. Tiki torch types. You can exhale.

People don’t take action on things until they hit home. Smokers don’t quit til their dad gets lung cancer, ya know what I mean? People don’t start to shut down the racists in the family until they bring their mixed friend from college home for thanksgiving break. My facebook friends are mostly Black, but I have a bunch of white friends there as well. Here at 55% of my audience is white. I’d like to think all of my white friends are woke, but the reality is some of them must have voted for the reality star in the white house, and majority of them were probably raised to not “see color.”

Seeing a “friend” or “friend in your head” like me deal head on with overt racism in public on facebook may be what helps some people check their non-color seeing, “if he’d just cooperated with the officer…,” type of privilege and realize racism is alive and well and not going anywhere without their action. Post racial society is a myth. SO TAKE ACTION!! SPEAK UP WHEN YOU SEE SOME FOUL SHIT GO DOWN. STAND UP FOR WHAT IS RIGHT.

I’ve never heard of this person who claims to have known my husband for a long time. I’ve been with him 17 years and have never heard this racist greaseball’s name before so….

Despite this roach crawling out the woodwork, I am glad BolenColen shared who he is. Firstly because I like knowing who I’m dealing with flat out. I respect him more than the people who smile in my face and call me nigger when I leave.

Secondly because he is somebody on my timeline’s brother, uncle, daddy, ex boyfriend, current boyfriend, husband, coworker, etc. Hopefully those who have some type of positive view of me, will see what I, and other interracially married couples, and other Black and brown people at large have to deal with all em effing day long, every single day and twice on Saturdays from every direction. Hopefully it will open some eyes.

You guys know I don’t do negativity at large. I don’t usually post my rants or gripes here on OKDani or get heavy into politics, religion or other hot button issues. But when it comes to race in America and how it impacts me and my family….I am going to share. I want random visitors, strangers and my friends old, new, and future to see what I have to deal with in June of 2018 in the US of A.

Note: It has only been legal for me to marry my husband since June 1967. That is not a very long time. I bet your parents were alive before my marriage was legal. Mine were. When you have some time look up anti-miscegenation laws. And while you’re at it, check out Raising An Advocate so you don’t mess around and raise the next Bolen.

Here’s a cute interracial family photo for good measure:

/end rant

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Cassandra Grube

Sunday 7th of October 2018

Another great post! We have this common -interracial marriage with children. We've been married for seven years and dated for a year and a half prior. He was always oblivious to what was going on or he thought that racism wasn't around anymore. The longer we've been married, the more he's seeing under the surface.


Saturday 27th of October 2018

Yikes. I'm sorry he was oblivious. That had must've been so frustrating for you. Glad he's opening his eyes now. Thanks so much for reading and commenting!


Sunday 5th of August 2018

The pain of the reality that we black people have to deal with as you said "all em effin" day, has a weight that is soooo much to bear. It amazes me that people are soooooo unhappy with themselves, that they make it their business to insert themselves into the lives of those who look different. It speaks to the very core of who they are and it is such an ugly reveal. i honestly feel sorry for every person in this world who hates themselves soooo much, that the only way they know how to deal, is to show hate towards others.

Something has go to change! Thank you for putting yourself out there and exposing your raw feelings.


Saturday 2nd of June 2018

I don't have to deal with this often because of where I live and who I hang out with but the undercover attacks hurt the most. They are usually the comments that go unnoticed my others yet have a lasting effect and I've heard crazy stuff from other black people. So I completely agree. If you know a racists (no matter the race) check them!!


Saturday 2nd of June 2018

I’m so sorry that in 2018 we still have ignorance. It doesn’t help that President Cheeto has brought so many of these folks out of the closet. It’s sickening and I don’t get it. Keep on sharing your thoughts and show those beautiful children that there is no place for hate in this world.


Friday 1st of June 2018

Yes!!! Everyone needs to read this!

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