As I’m writng this, there is a hand yanking at my sweatpants waistband, and another hand swishing around inside the back/side of my pants. The perpetrator of the molestation is ignoring my protests, singing “yayayayaah” and drooling on the back of my desk chair as he invades my personal space. Before this little troublemaker was born, the only person with his hands in my pants was John.
I recently read (well, I read most of it) Babyproofing Your Marriage and related to about 99.99% of it. Everything that goes into having a baby, both the huge job the mommy does, from conception til….well…the day she dies, and the hard work the dad has to put in, really changes a marriage. You go from lovers to co-owners of a small day care where the clients never, ever leave.
John and I spoke about making sure to keep the spark alive, take our date nights, and stay connected, but it was hard. His schedule is wack. My sleeplessness was wack. And Roey just needed so much all the time. We had date nights, but they were so few and far between. We had taken to doing our faux date nights and being grateful if we could get through an on-demand movie in one night. Then we started taking little man along with us on date nights. #fail
We recommitted to taking our solo date nights and have been doing them every other week for now, with the goal of finding a sitter and making it a weekly event. I’m loving having grown up dinners, and seeing movies again. We have a no Roey talk rule on date nights too.
Outside of the date nights, we’re sure to connect every night and talk with no Roey talk allowed. I like remembering that I’m a woman, a lover and a wife, and viewing John as not just a dad.
Babyproofing our marriage is something we’re both committed to and have to continue to work at each day. I don’t ever want us to get stale and lose our spark.
How did you babyproof your marriage? If you haven’t yet, do you plan to?
We had yet to do that. My husband comes home very late, so late that the kids are already asleep. So I know that when there is some free time, he would love to spend it with all of us. I am hoping that the next few changes that we are going to make will change all of that.
Once it becomes a priority you’ll find ways to sneak some grown up time in. Until we made it a priority, we just went with the flow and I was baby obsessed and forgot to be wifely.
I am STILL working on this! Ugh! I feel like I’ve dedicated to much time and energy to my kids, and just left my poor husband in the dust. I don’t dress as well as I used to, or take care of myself in the way that I used to. It’s all just so, so sad. While being a good mom is important to me, being a good wife is also important.
We both work, so I’m usually exhausted by the time the weekend comes, and my husband works on Saturday. It’s tough. I’m a work in progress…
I don’t think it ever ends. I think we will be working on this until the kids are older.
hmm i dont about that……………..not talking about the children while on a date
but if it works for you then great!
but we kinda of like talking about the children as it makes us laugh what a 2 and 4 year old gets up to
maybe 20% of our date night conversationa are based on tthe children
and as for sex …………well we kinda have to schedule that in cos it properly wouldnt happen lol
we made a commitment to make love twice per week…..sometimes that hard
We talk about him ALL the time. Date night, no baby talk allowed. It works for us, you gotta do what works for you.
This has been a hard thing for me as well. We don’t do date nights like we should but since our children are a little older we will go in our room and snuggle while they tear the house apart. We get our time in, rather unorthodox at times but I think if you have the attitude of getting it while you can ( no pun intended) you will find you have more time than you think you do.
LOL getting it while i can, wherever i can. girl. ::sigh:: We gotta do what we can while this lil tyrant sleeps.
Ruth N says
Hi Dani, thanks for sharing this. This is one of the things that scares me terribly about having a baby! My husband and I have been married for 2 years now (and we are only recently living in the same country and settling into our new home)! Of course I’d love to reproduce together soon but I don’t want to loose out on private adult time and the spark between us *Eek*! My husband is very sweet and mature and doesn’t seem worried at all. But I’m younger and still want to have it all and enjoy every aspect without the flame dying out! Quick Example: Many friends and family I know let their babies sleep in the middle of the bed almost every night – the thought of that upsets me because I still want to be treated and viewed as a *sexy woman*… I’m sure you and your husband will have the love locked down… Please keep us updated on what you do over the year to keep the spark going! 🙂
You’re so not going to lose the spark, you obviously care too much to let it fade out. I’ll keep you updated on how our efforts on babyproofing this marriage is going.
I’m still working on babyproofing my marriage. Granted my daughter is only 3 weeks old but I figure it’s best to make an attempt sooner rather than later. Last week my Mom was visiting and took the baby while we watched a movie in the living room. It. was.glorious. Never mind that I had to stop midway to pump and ended up falling asleep an hour before the movie ended.. Baby steps, right?
You’re good! At 3 weeks post birth I couldn’t even walk upright and take normal steps. I was a hormonal mess. A date night was the farthest thing from my mind.
Your post brought this to mind: http://thehairpin.com/2013/01/that-baby-wants-to-break-you-up
Interesting article. Funny too. John enjoyed it.
I totally relate to this!! Its been tough getting a date night in now that my husband has been travelling so much for business, but its so necessary!! Kids seriously suck up all the extra time and energy! They are worth it, but our husbands still deserve our time too! XO
He is so cute!
When we are blessed with our future children I intend on doing this. I don’t ever want to forget I’m a wife as well as a mom.
nellie A. (@BklynActiveMama) says
I think my marriage is pretty baby proofed, I mean, we barely do date nights, but every night we usually end up having these long insightful talks…most times though I can’t lie when we are away we talk about our boys, we can’t help it.