Girls, I’ve gotta tell you. Last night we started sleep training Roey. Something I never thought we’d do. Ever.
I’m feeling guilty and sad about it but I was able to sleep for 3 hours straight last night, for the first time in months.
OK lemme back track:
For the past 2 weeks I’ve been feeling funny. I’ve been getting dizzy, and at times when I’m sitting on my bed I’ll feel like I’m on a boat. It was weird but I figured I was dehydrated. So I started chugging water like nobody’s business and it still happened.
Then I fell. I never fall. If I ever trip or lose my balance I right myself.
So I figured I had an ear infection coming on or something. But there was no pain.
I told John this, thinking he’d tell me what to do about an ear infection and he was like, you need sleep. We need to sleep train Roey.
I’m like, nah your crazy, bye.
Then I get the bright idea to go on WebMD to see what could possibly be wrong with me and my balance/dizzies.
I put in my symptoms:
- loss of balance
- light flashes in eyes
A whole mess of diseases popped up, some of my favorites:
- Multiple Sclerosis!
- Bird Flu!
Seriously, WebMD? Girls. Please don’t EVER use WebMD. It’s really the devil. You’ll end up a hypochondriac or convince yourself you’re dying.
Some more normal options came up too, like “Sleep Deprivation” which made me do a lil internal “DAMN!” John was right.
So…..we did the normal thing spouses do when one is right and the other doesn’t want them to be: we fought.
I’m like: “waaah waaah I am scared about sleep training and the message it sends to lil man. I feel like he’ll feel betrayed and scared and confused and unloved and insecure. waaah waaah He’s gunna hate us. He’s gunna starve. waaaah.”
John’s like: “Umm no. here’s some scientific study, here’s some other scientific study, facts, figures, bla bla bla, facts, more facts. Graph. Chart. Equation. WE’RE DOING THIS!”
So we looked up the No Cry Solution, and all these other Now/Low Cry sleep training methods… and made a plan.
I got out earplugs and cried.
John got a stopwatch and a snack.
He was to be the master of ceremonies for this undertaking because I knew I couldn’t handle it. It just felt so wrong.
We did Roey’s usual night time routine, but instead of letting him fall asleep while nursing, I waited till he was juuuuuust about there, and unlatched him and put him down in bed.
And he cried.
…….And I soothed him (Yeah, I broke the rule immediately. John was pissed)
Then John took over and I went to bed and tried to let trash TV soothe my pain. (The Bachelor, anyone?)
I put him down at 7:45, he was asleep by 8:11 and he didn’t even cry the entire time. There were periodic check ins from John, soothing him, rubbing his back, cooing to him, shusshhing him, placing him back down and leaving again. He cried and then was like forget this, I guess I’ll just go to bed.
He didn’t wake up an hour later, or two, or three.
SIX hours later, he woke up and fussed, John went in and did the whole soothey thing. I wanted to run in there, hip check John and grab the boy and nurse him….but I just put in the earplugs and covered my head with a blanket, willed myself to stay there and told myself John could handle this.
THREE hours later he woke up an fussed and I woke up to his sounds (one earplug was nowhere to be found) and I was so engorged I nursed him and put him back down drowsy but not fully asleep. He fussed for 2.2 seconds, and by the time I left his room he was out.
This morning he woke at his usual time 7:30ish, stood up and started talking. I went to him and he was just a smiling, and squealy and happy as ever. He didn’t hate me!!
And I got 3 hours of straight sleep. Could’ve been 4 if I went to bed earlier. And then I got another 3 straight.
Rohan used to give us a 6-7 hour stretch of sleep, then a 3 hour stretch…but he just regressed I guess.
I’m really happy that he woke up in a great mood, but I wonder if this will do him any emotional harm. It just seems so mean and so uncaring. I know it’s not just letting him cry it out with no comforting or attention. But it still doesn’t sit right in my soul.
Three hours of straight sleep does sit right in my soul though. So, I’m feeling the mommy guilt, but doing it anyway.
Will I get over this mommy guilt? Do your babies sleep through the night? Did you Sleep Train?