My dad yo...
My dad is no good with emotions. No good talking about feelings. If I start to get choked up, or emotional in any kinda way during a conversation with him, the poor man just can’t handle it. He’ll make a joke, hit me on the shoulder and then run away. (literally)
So, I generally don’t share any deep feelings with him in a way that will elicit conversation. I tell hime how I feel, but it’s sandwiched between something trivial he’s more comfortable talking about. That way he hears me, and knows, but then we talk about whatever b.s. was sandwiching the emotional bit.
The night we closed on the house, my dad and I were talking, and he got really serious with me and damned if he didn’t let a bit of emotion slip through the cracks.
I hadn’t spoken to him (or anyone else except for John, really) about how I was feeling having to go back to work, but he just knew. And he, in his gruff “i hate my kids, yet i’d break my own neck for them in an instant if they needed it” kinda way, put it in perspective for me.
I’m never one to knock working moms, or judge stay at home moms. Once you’re a mom, it’s always full time, on the clock 24/7, no matter where, when or if you work elsewhere. (i’m gunna have to post on that too, but I digress)
But for me, all of my life, when I pictured myself with children, I pictured myself home with them full time. I wanted to be a stay at home (well, work at home) mom so I could be the primary caregiver, and personally give my kids a great start at life in the manner I choose (semi-granola, low tech, high love, high education/activity, flexible, maybe a little left of center…etc)
My dad sat me down and told me he was proud of me. (insert fit of tears here) He spent a lil time talking about his thoughts about the family, moving the family forward and up from where it came, and it truly surprised me. I didn’t think he gave a good god damn about that kinda stuff at large.
But then he hit me with the true tearjerker, basically saying not to be so hard on myself for this temporary situation. He told me how proud he was of me about how I’m raising Ro, impressed at my level of patience and that what I did with Rohan while I was home with him was tremendous but that Kaya will be amazing too, despite me working outside of the home.
He kinda drove home the point of not dwelling on the negatives about not being home with her, and to focus on the benefits it provides her and the rest of our family. (He should SO be a life coach!)
It was a good perspective to hear and take in. I’m trying to take it easy on myself in that way. That said, I set a goal of getting my biz in gear in such a way that I will be able to leave the workforce again (FOR GOOD!) by summer 2016. Name it and claim it. (just like I did here). Pray for me. Pray fi all a we.
But yeah…… I love my daddy. He gave me the warm n fuzzies that day. And I get warm n fuzzy thinkin’ about it right now.