I’m Not Down With The Swirl (Yeah I said it)

OMG Girls, I just found this in my drafts from FOUR. YEARS. AGO!  (I didn’t edit it except to add gifs and links) I’m going to have to do a follow up to this soon! 


The worst pickup line I’ve ever received was from a middle aged ginger dude who looked me up and down slowly, licked his lips and leaned in to let me know that he “goes wild for dark chocolate.” I was on the subway, alone, wearing my engagement ring, my wedding band….and eight and a half months pregnant.

While I probably should have been more offended that this man would hit on a married woman whose water could break at any moment, my angry texts to my friends were ranting about his tacky, fetishy come on. As if letting me know he likes black women was supposed to make me jump into his lily white arms with gratitude that he finds my skin color worthy of his lust.

  as if


My cousin recently told me that I was a “tumblr celeb.” ….that my maternity photo shoot images were plastered all over “interracial tumblr” blogs. A short google images search later, and I was staring at me, my husband, and my huge belly all over people’s blogs and pinterest boards. I also found a huge world I never knew existed. A swirling world of interracial relationships. Not a variety, mind you, it was namely, black women trolling for non-black (mostly white) men.


At my ripe old age of 31, I didn’t realize what a “thing” (read: fetish) interracial relationships, and marriages had become. Yes, I know there’s a “black girl fetish” and have dealt with come-ons from my share of guys wanting to “try a black girl” (barf!) in the past. But now I’m learning that there’s a growing “white boy fetish” that is spreading like wildfire.

“Swirling” seems to be a term that is used to describe any interracial or intercultural relationship, but all around the interwebs when I see “swirl” used, it’s regarding a black/white mixed race couple. My husband is white, I am black, my son is biracial, however, I am not “down with the swirl.” This term is almost as annoying to me as “jungle fever” though it’s much less racially insensitive.

For a black woman, “swirling,” as opposed to just simply “dating” makes the priority finding a partner that is not black. Maybe I’m out of touch but shouldn’t the priority be with finding a partner that is awesome… no matter what shade of skin?

nikki shrugging

My husband is not a trophy. He’s not my prize. He’s a man, who happens to be white, that I love and am choosing to do life with. We’re raising a family together and our son is not a “swirl baby” as a woman in Penn Station recently called him, with a nod of approval. (Why couldn’t she have just called him a cute baby?) He’s simply a biracial boy.

I’ve been asked numerous times (even by my blog readers) how to “get a white boy” and asking me what I did to attract him. Because, of course, all caucasians are the same, just like all African Americans are the same. And whatever I did to “get” my husband is what they must do as well. Seriously? How small is your mind?


c'mon son

I love the idea of black women, well, all women really, dating outside their race. I love that a person’s color doesn’t automatically determine their mate’s color. It’s great! It was illegal for my husband and I to be married, not so long ago. Being open to different races and cultures should just be the norm. Who we marry should be determined by our values and what we deem important in our relationships. The color of their skin, and the country their parents came from should be an afterthought, not part of the equation.

With this whole “swirling” movement, the fact that a person’s color is now the major factor is unsettling. Some argue that it’s no different than having a “type” preference like blondes vs brunettes. Um no. Because of how deep the race and color issues go (in America and abroad) there is a huge difference in the two and we’d be naive to pretend there isn’t.

Which is why the intentional “swirling” movement rubs me the wrong way. It turns the Black woman into a hunter, and the white man into the prize. Feelings of pride are being placed on being “chosen” by the white partner. Black women viewing interracial dating and marriage as a “come up” shows the deep rooted, unsubtle belief that white is better than Blacks are “less than.” A notion that is consistently reinforced by our society – but I digress.

oprah says don't go there

I wish interracial dating and interracial marriage weren’t even terms. I get that they “have” to be, with how our world is with the need to label every damn thing, but I wish it was just simply: dating or marriage. Why are interracial couples “swirling” instead of simply dating?

I’m pro interracial everything but I’m not down with the “swirl” and I never will be, no matter how Irish my husband. I encourage all women who’ve emailed me about the topic to drop the label as well. Just find a great guy….not necessarily a great non-black guy. 


I found this old post yesterday and wanted to edit it immediately since it felt unfinished. Plus… it was SO old, and I had just learned about “swirling” being a term.  And now it’s commonplace. I’m glad I didn’t though. I’m still not a fan of the term and my disgust has actually grown over the years as my children have been added to the mix and I’ve been exposed to other women who date and marry interracially (or want to). I think I’ll eventually write a piece on how creepy people are about mixed race children and an update to this piece on swirling at large, and what I’ve discovered about majority of the black women “swirlers.”  Stay tuned. 🙂



Husband Tag Video (with Questions)

cute married interracial couple bwwm

John and I (finally) recorded a Husband Tag Video. My phone cut us off but here’s what we got in “part one.”

If you’re not sick of us yet you can see more about us here.

If you’re interested in doing a Husband Tag Video here are the questions:


1) Where did we meet?
2) Where was our first date? 
3) What was your first impression of me?
 4) When did you meet my family?
 5) Weird habit of each other?
 6) How long have we been together?
 7) Do we have any traditions? 
An animal that resembles one another? 
9) What was our first roadtrip?
 10) First thing you noticed about me?
 11) What pisses him off? 
12) Favorite feature about each other? 
13) 3 things I am good & not good at? 
14) What do we argue about the most? 
15) Do I have PMS? 
16) Who wears the pants in the relationship? 
17) Do I have any weird obsessions? 
18) Nicknames for each other? 
19) What is my favorite restaurant? 
20) If I am watching TV, what am I watching? 
21) What is one food I do not like? 
22) What drink do I order when we go out to eat? 
23) What size of shoe do I wear? 
24) My favorite kind of sandwich? 
25) What is one talent I have? 
26) What would I eat everyday if I could? 
27) My favorite cereal? 
28) My favorite kind of music? 
29) My favorite sports team? 
30) What is my eye color? 
31) Who is my best friend? 
32) Something you do that I wish you didn’t do? 
33) Where am I from? 
34) What kind of cake would you bake me on my birthday? 
35) Do I play any sports? 
36) What can I spend hours doing?

What do you think of John’s video debut?!

Happy Loving Day



Happy Loving Day!!

It’s the anniversary of the Loving v Virginia decision.

A few years ago I was introduced to the Lovings. They’re part of the reason John and I can be legally wed today. They were a Black woman and white man who fell in love and got married, and fought to make it legal. Learned about their story via facebook (where I get all my news lol) and thought about what I would’ve done in the woman’s place.

valley of fire wedding

If I were alive back in those days and I met John…would I marry him? Doubt it! I’dda been like listen kid, get your white ass away from me before my dad comes and shoots us both dead.


Are you kidding me?! I would not be the one. I wouldn’t have even given him a chance. With all the overt racial bullshit back then (much different than the “racism? what racism?” bullshit we have now) I would’ve just walked on by and avoided eye contact if he tried to old-school holla at me.

valley of fire wedding

Imagine not being able to marry someone just because they’ve got less or more melanin than you? I can hardly believe it was so recent. It’s so crazy…and sad….and scary…ugh!

I’m grateful for them.

I’m glad they were brave. I’m glad they were that much in love.

(Have a great weekend girls, FitnessFriday returns next week)

Wordless Wednesday: Family Photos Edition

interracial family

All I want out of this life is one good family pic.

Just one.

I won’t get it.

I’ve realized this now.

But I got a couple cute ones thanks to an impromptu family photos snapshot session.

I posted my fave on FB… but here are some of the “mess ups” from the batch.

Guess which one is my favorite…. 🙂

fampic1a fampic7a

fampic6a    fampic2a

fampic5a fampic4a

Did you guess? 

(it’s the one with Rohan making a break for the photographer – my brother btw)

PS: In checking my blog metrics, I get a lot of traffic from people googling for interracial family photos… You’re welcome googlers. Enjoy!

Shutterfly Baby Pictures 300x250

4 Years Down….Happy Anniversary

valley of fire wedding

Happy Anniversary Jonathan!

Do you know who I am?

I’m the woman who napped from 10:30a.m to 2:00pm today.

Best anniversary present ever!! Sleep.

(John, if you’re reading this, don’t think you’re off the hook! I still want a real present ::look::)

Four years came so fast! I still feel weird saying it’s our 4 year anniversary when it’s more like our 13th.

We got engaged and married in 2010 though. Feels like yesterday.

Here’s our wedding recap if you never enjoyed that debacle….hot mess….special day…. 🙂

Last year on our anniversary I posted about what I’ve learned in 3 years of marriage.

2nd anniversary photo

2nd Anniversary Pic 2012

This year… welp… I don’t think I’ve learned anything new lol. I was pretty damn smart last year. It all still holds true.

Yesterday I saw Gone Girl (which is NOT the best representation of marriage lol did you see/read that shit? YIKES!) but the wife said something like “if two people who love each other so much can’t make a marriage work, then that’s a real tragedy.”

And I agree.

John has been my best friend for 13 years and counting. We’ve been through some serious highs and serious lows. We chose to do life together and through the ebbs and flows we’re growing and getting better for it. I love him to bits. Always have, and always will.

young couple


Since I know you’re reading today …. Quick list of why I Love John H:

  • Well, namely, that nap I got today was the business….
  • 2 blankets on the bed idea (genius!)
  • 13 years of belly laughs
  • your handyman capabilities
  • support of all my kooky ideas
  • mind reading capabilities
  • introducing me to new things
  • letting me just be crazy
  • T25-ing with me
  • you always do the gross things I dont wanna do
  • reaching all the high stuff and opening everything “johndoit”
  • your hackeriness and “F the man”ishness

How we’re celebrating:

We’re having a lazy day. Hell, I slept most of it!

Later we’re ordering in from my favorite lil restaurant nearby and I’m watching Scandal and HTGAWM #judgemeifyawanna

After that….well….John told me his idea and I was just like….

okay reaction gif


That’s pretty much the best anniversary date we can muster rightaboutnow. #timesishard #oknothey’renotwe’rejustlazybastards

Come back in a year…5th anniversary….sheeeeeeit….it’s gunna be a rager! We may even leave the house!!  ::does dougie::

Other than that…we’re listening to some of our fave love-ish tunes:


And no anniversary would be complete without triple T:

Talk to you girls tomorrow!!