I’ve decided, that as hard as it may be….and as much as I don’t really want to….I must practice abstinence.
I must abstain.
From the forums at www.justmommies.com
Because. Those. Women. Go. Hard.
Too hard for me.
They are so fertility, infertility, pregnancy, parenthood, everything baby obsessed it’s FRIGHTENING.
Everything I read there has me thinking I’m not doing enough to get pregnant and worse still, it has me second guessing every twitch my body makes.
Case in point: I had a crampish feeling down in ovary territory and immediately I’m thinking…OMG I’m ovulating late it must be middleshmerz, or maybe it’s implantation pain…maybe I should check for spotting..and oh no, maybe we didn’t have sex at the right time, this sucks I’ll never get pregnant, maybe i’m not meant to be a mom, maybe it’s a sign, maybe I should go on clomid, maybemaybemaybe…..(continue downward spiral of ridiculousness)
Then, later on when I popped out a fart, the cramp goes away! “Oh, it was just gas.” ::sheepish grin::
And another day I’m feeling a lil nauseous and heartburny. I say to John (clutching my chest and probably with the widest eyes I can muster) “I have heartburn John, oh my god what do you think it means.”
His response: “It’s a pizza symptom babe, not a pregnancy symptom, I’ve got it too.”
I cut my eyes at him …. but, (and here’s the sick part) I had a flash of a thought: “hmmm maybe he’s got sympathy heartburn and I really am preggos…”
Do you see?
Do you see how sick that is?
Sympathy Heartburn?! Jeez.
I don’t want to be a preconception maniac, testing every single day, sharing every nuance of my charts with other obsessives on a forum, and thinking every little thing is a sign of a baby growing, or not growing inside me. I don’t wanna get all stressed out and crazy.
I can’t. I don’t have the strength to handle it.
The up and down of emotions when aunt flo arrives is drama enough for me.
So, I removed justmommies.com from my favorites…at home…and at work…::hanging head in shame::
Already I’m not bombarded with as many baby making thoughts as before.
Maybe the next step is to stop reading all the baby/mommy/mommy-to-be blogs?