Confession: I Wish I Only Had One Child

cute curly hair mixed kids hugging

I have a mom confession. I wish I only had one child.

When Rohan was born I loved that one boy to the point I thought I’d explode. I had no idea how I was supposed to somehow make space in my heart to love another child. Then when Kaya came around when Rohan was 20 months I realized…ohhh…your heart just grows! Now I am grateful to be blessed with two little nuggets that I love with all my expanded heart.

And still…..I wish I only had one of them.

I have mentioned time and again how grateful we are to have my extended family near by. It’s a huge part of why we chose to move from NYC to south Florida. They are constantly taking one or both of my kids and allowing me a little room to breathe. My aunts take great care of Rohan and Kaya….spoil them and overfeed them just like they did with me at their ages. On a good week we usually have 1 or 2 days where I only have one child, and maybe 1 day when I’m free from mom duty alltogether.

It’s glorious.

The problem is the weeks when my aunts can’t take my little monsters and I have them both at home full time. Now if they never took them, I wouldn’t know the beauty of being a mom of one or the freedom of being child-free. No. I wouldn’t know what I was missing.

cute biracial baby smiling

When the kids are trying to murder each other, or both pawing at me at the same time, using that shrill and shreiky tone, or the whiney cry…. I wouldn’t have those fond memories of the one-child days to pine for. When Kaya is hiding to sneakily open some tube of something toxic and Rohan is trying out all his bad words and testing my limits I just want to ship them both off to boot camp. Or one of my aunties’ houses.

I wish I only had one child. At a time, that is. When Rohan and Kaya are together there is more noise, mess, injury, violence, stickiness, whining, “NO” screamed at the top of lungs, pulling at my clothes and way more fighting to eat/sleep/get dressed/listen.

When it’s just one. Doesn’t matter which one… Oh my goodness you guys, that one is an angel. An angel I tell you!

cute biracial boy in red shirt

That one listens. That one is sweet and obedient. That one is calm and fun and patient. When it’s just one I don’t have to redirect, raise my voice, give a look, use a stern tone, separate fights, threaten, discipline, mediate arguments, bribe, remember to hand things to them at the same time, give pieces the same size, think of who chose the song or show last so we can take turns.

When it’s just one I can get work done. I can cook easily, clean up easily. I don’t have to consider how to make each activity suitable for two ages. I don’t have to think of activities both will enjoy, or books both will want to hear at the same time. I have more room to just breathe. And sometimes….sometimes I can even poop alone.

Even though we’re homeschooling, Rohan is trying out a 3-hour montessori program that starts this fall. So for 3 precious hours a day I will have just one child.

I. Cannot. Wait.

Do you have any mom confessions?

i wish i only had one child


  1. says

    When Emma is at school it’s easier to get stuff done with one child in tow…so it’s understandable! My mom confessions is I wish I never had my tubes tied…after one of my twins passed away I really want/wanted a 3rd child…::sigh:: unless we adopt or something I guess it’s just Emma and DJ:)

  2. says

    I’d like to confess that if my children came to your children’s birthday parties, and the party bags contained candy or noisy toys, they mysteriously vanished.

  3. says

    You are not alone. Some people say you are not really a parent until the second child comes along. However, now that both of my kiddies have been in PreK for a year and I have returned to working outside of the home, I can appreciate some of the chaos that ensues when we are at home together.

  4. says

    Maybe it’s different with 2 girls I have the opposite problem. I can’t stand having just one, when I have just one… that one becomes clingy, whinny, bored, don’t know what to do with self. I have to be play partner for everything!

    My oldest is going to camp so it’s gonna be the two of us for 4 days. Trying to do any work is just a fantasy.
    Together they play, fight, bicker and leave me out of it LOL

  5. Mum of 3 and proud says

    Can’t believe what you’re saying to be honest.. I have zero support, zero aunts(not close to my aunts and the kids aunts aren’t interested) , mother, mother in law (both deceased), I leave my 3boys with friends from time to time, yes I enjoy the free time but I am glad to be reunited with them, I am glad of the crazy days, there are so many women denied the privilege of 1 child let alone more than one! You should be thanking God every day for your children , not wishing you had just one! What a terrible wish to have!

  6. Layne Martin says

    I know the feeling, while I tend to only have one or two times a year that I’m not mommy of at least one, and maybe once a month when I’m only mommy to one kid I understand. I remember being a mom to only one and how easy it was, how I didn’t have to divide my attention. I find the only peace I have with both of them is when my husband is home. I am constantly feeling like “mean mommy” because it feels like there’ always one of them getting into something, I can’t keep an eye on both of them when they split and I’m torn when they fight, they’re young and need to learn to settle it themselves, but without hitting. It’s exhausting and I keep thinking “If I had only had one she’d be going to school this year. If I’d only had one I could go more places, because I she’s old enough to stay with me now” I keep telling myself that in a few years I’ll be grateful I had both of them but right now I think, it was hard enough the first time around and now I have to do it all again while trying to give my oldest attention too.

    • Dani says

      It’s rough with more than one at a time isn’t it? You’re not a mean mommy. You’re a great mommy with a lot to keep an eye on.

  7. says

    Me, me, all day. I’m literally typing this with my hands full of an infant. I’m scrambling for time–personal, alone, wellness, self-care–any kind. It’s a battle.

  8. says

    I’m with Lyne. When I only have one of my littles, they are super clingy, want tons of attention and constantly ask where the other one is. I didn’t think I wanted more than one, but now I see them encourage each other, push each other and be nice to each. Those times really outweigh the bickering.

  9. says

    No judgment zone. Sometimes I wish I only had me to care for. I love my babies but sometmes I need some space, mental and physical.

  10. says

    Love your honesty Dani! I have twins – teenagers now – but I forget how great our bond becomes when I spend time with just one! My son went on a week-long trip with school and my daughter and I spent great quality time together. When I asked if she missed her brother she said “Honestly, I am enjoying the quiet” I had not really realized that many times she felt squeezed out by his sometimes overly confident personality. And she needed the stage to herself for a change….so Dani you may find that one day your kids may agree with you – they may want to BE the only one…sometimes.

    My mommy confession: I wish I’d had another child. With having only a set of twins, I feel like “I better get this right! I only have this one shot…and then they are both out of the house at the same time.” I get sad just thinking about when they graduate 🙁

  11. Mrs. K says

    Some of these women need to watch the movie Bad Moms…the judgments need to stop. Sometimes I wish there was only one. Not very often I wish I had none. Some days I wish I had more but most days I’m very thankful for my two sweeties (4yo boy and 2yo girl). Being a parent is challenging but amazing as well as we all can agree. Also my kids fight a lot when they are not together but always ask for each other when apart; even when each is on a solo date with mommy or daddy.

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