How to Avoid Getting Punched in the Face by A Pregnant Woman

bitchfest

I should’ve really entitled this: How to avoid getting punched in the face by a pregnant Dani…. but I’m sure other preggo sisters can relate…Here’s what not to say to any pregnant woman…especially one that’s quick with a left hook. I’m just venting. Leave me alone! ::sobs::

You’re Huge!

So are you bitch…but I’m pregnant. Um…there’s a human being growing inside me. She’s popping out in two weeks dummy. What do you expect?

Seriously, I’m not sure why any woman would say this to another, pregnant or not, why are you commenting on her size in a negative way. Build a sista up, don’t rip her down. Fat shaming, skinny shaming. Why is it everywhere these days it seems? Ugh.

You’re trying for a natural birth this time…right?

Excuse me? Doctor? Why are you so concerned with how my child is coming into the world? Are you birthing her? Stay in your lane.

I get that the politics of child birth is big these days, but the only vag you need to be concerned with is your own, unless you’re an OBGyn or a Midwife. Have several seats. Preferably far from my ladyparts.

Back to back! / Just Two (yea right) / You and John are definitely going for more!

Nope. We’re two and through. But glad you’re so invested in my reproductive system. My uterus is sorry she missed your calls, but she’ll get back to you when she has some free time.

Poor Rohan will be old news soon!

Um…maybe you replaced your children as more came along, but my son is not old news and never will be. He’s getting a new title of big brother, and is just as special as he ever was.

You must be so tired. / You’re gunna be so tired.

You must be too, cuz girl that luggage under your eyes…..

Of course I’m tired. I’m lugging around 30something extra pounds, chasing a toddler and cant get a wink of sleep. Soon there will be a newborn with no sense of night or day ruling over our household. Yes, I’m going to be so tired.  WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING POINT?

Girls are so much better than boys!

I hope you don’t say that in front of your children. Maybe that’s the truth in your house. But both of my kids are gunna be awesome as hell. Sorry. Yes, I’m ready for tea parties, pink and bows, but blocks, the never-ending vehicle parade, and dinos are fun too.

When you were pregnant did you get any comments that made you want to get violent?

 

 

9 Ways To Stay Sane in the 3rd Trimester

im-dying-okdani-blog

I’m huge. I’m tired. I’m 6 weeks away from a baby. I’m going insane, but am trying to pretend I’ve got it all together. ;)

However, in a moment of clarity some great ideas came to me on how to make the 3rd trimester a more pleasant one. Let’s not go crazy before babies gets here, they’ll drive you insane in due time. *side eye to my toddler* These are just ways to make it through in an easy way….

1. Get a hobby

Now, I’m not talking about anything strenuous or requiring a lot of training, tools, or expertise. I’m talking about something simple like learning to knit or crochet, or doing crossword puzzles. Something simple, stationary, and fun that will still offer you some stimulation.

2. Start a low key project

Again…key word here is low key. Maybe you already crochet, and can start on a new blanket for baby, or there are some small art projects you want to complete for the nursery. Small projects are great because you get a sense of satisfaction upon completion without having to expend too much, time or physical or mental energy….both of which are limited in trimester 3.

3. Begin meditation

You can find some guided meditations for free on youtube, or go hardcore zen meditation on your own. Meditating has a zillion benefits (full post on this later) and will help you feel more centered, calm, and prepared for baby. You can simply sit or lay down and focus on your breathing, in and out for a few minutes and benefit from it. Don’t worry about any of the thoughts flying in and out of your mind. Let them come and go as they please.

4. Write to your baby

This is a fave of mine. When I’m procrastinating on something, or just need something to do so I don’t go nuts, I take to the keyboard and write my unborn daughter (and toddler son) letters. I get filled with feelings of love, and excitement, and also feelings of satisfaction of what I’ve created for them down the road.

5. Read on motherhood/baby care

When I was in my 3rd trimester with my son I read ALL DAY LONG on motherhood and baby care and breastfeeding. Now, I’m reading here and there on parenting strategies, gentle discipline (cuz apparently punching my kids in the face is not an option) and re-reading my breastfeeding books. Reading helps you feel more prepared and capable. SUPER important if you’re pregnant with your first!

6. Take classes

There are baby care classes, breastfeeding classes, mommy skills classes…take your pick. You’ll enjoy learning new things and feel more competent about your impending motherhood.

7. Disengage from reality

Have a TV binge and watch 8 seasons of a show in a week, or a book binge and just submerge yourself in someone else’s world for a while. This helps time pass in those last l-o-n-g weeks, and is nice to get your mind off of baby preparations for a while. I devoured loads of novels and TV shows I’d never heard of in my last weeks of pregnancy with my first.

8. Work out

If you are allowed by your doc, working out is great to improve your mood, energy level and overall well being. I wish I could have worked out during my pregnancies. I would’ve probably been a lot more sane. Prenatal yoga is a great option for the 3rd trimester when other forms of exercise may seem too taxing.

9. Pamper yourself

Get a prenatal massage, get your hair or nails done, get a facial or another skin service done. It’s great to get pampered at any time, but during your 3rd trimester when you’re uncomfortable, tired, feeling whale-like and can’t see your feet…it’s especially nice.

What not to do in your third trimester:

  • move to a new house
  • take on a new client
  • fight with your spouse over everything
  • hide under the covers pretending the world doesn’t exist
  • see how much your toddler will fetch for sale on the black market
  • run (waddle, really) away from home and never go back

Not that I did any of those things….

Any ideas for a more pleasant 3rd Trimester?

9 Old Wives Tales for Baby’s Gender

Do you believe in old wives tales?

I DO!!

Seriously….I totally believe in the baby gender old wives tales….

…Unless they’re telling me what I don’t want to hear. :)

So I believe all the old wives tales that say I’m having a girl.

The Chinese Gender Predictor

This test takes your age and conception month and then you look at their spiffy calendar and see what gender you’re having. (Try it Here) With my stats this one says I’m having a boy. So clearly this is the worst test ever.

This one is much better. It calculates your Chinese lunar age at conception and Chinese lunar month of your birth, and then calculates your baby’s gender from that. This one says I’m having a girl :) (Try it Here) So naturally, I like this one.

[Read more...]

Maternity Fashion & Style

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I use the term “style” extremely loosely, since…I have none.  I really didn’t expect to get excited about maternity clothing.  Part of it is just being happy that I’m comfortable and that my bigger belly’s supported.  I thought I’d be one of those women who just give up and wear her husband’s shirts every day.  Surprisingly I wasn’t in my first pregnancy and doubt I will be in this one.

Last pregnancy, someone suggested tunics and maternity leggings, I could totally wear that every day w/ some riding boots. I’m very much a tight jeans and loose shirt w/ flats kind of girl.

Of course I head to Pinterest for maternity inspiration:

via coolprogeny via pregnancy org via sandra esquival on pinterest via unknown on pinterest 1 via unknown on pinterest I’ve got to dig out my bin of maternity clothes to see what I have and what (if anything) I need because I refuse to look frumpy this pregnancy.

What do you think?

What did you wear when you were preggo?  Did you try to maintain some semblance of cuteness/style or did you give up for 40 weeks?

Wordless Wednesday: Rohan’s Big Announcement

big brother to be

 

 

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