How to Waste Money and Time at a Blogging Conference

crappy conference

Everyone is always trying to be so goddamn helpful. It’s sickening really. Especially in light of BlogHer last week, and the other blogging conferences coming up. I see blog conference tips posted ranging from advice on what to wear, tips to get the most out of sessions, tips to stand out. Well, what if you don’t want to stand out? What if you don’t want to make the most efficient use of your time, money at the conference?

Sound like you? Good! F all that helpful stuff. I’m going to teach you how to waste your time and your money at a blogging conference. (Or any type of conference for that matter.) Don’t worry, you can thank me later.

Step 1.

Treat your conference as a vacation vs a business trip.

  • Pack clothes that say “I’m chillin” versus “I’m working.” You don’t want to accidentally  be taken seriously, so if you have an “I’m with stupid” shirt, or one of those big tees with a bikini on it, definitely wear that.
  • Day drink.
  • If you attend sessions, chat and giggle with the people near you instead of paying attention
  • Drink a lot at night, come to sessions hungover and tell whoever you sit next to all about it
  • Wake up as late as possible, if lucky, you’ll miss a keynote or two
  • Plan outside events for your evenings, so you’ll have to miss the planned parties, then complain about the planned party schedule (see step 5)
  • Be late for everything…because you were shopping

Step 2.

Do not research or read your pre-conference materials

  • Be as uninformed as possible. The more you can say “wait…what’s happening here?” the better!
  • Stop people randomly and ask for directions (bonus: hold your map, and phone with conference app in your hand when you ask)
  • Be unscheduled with absolutely no plan for your conference experience (Bonus points if you think you’re at a completely different conference all together!)
  • Don’t check out the sponsors, or make a plan for the expo, then be sure to complain that it’s “overwhelming” (see step 5)
  • Make no plans, if anyone asks you about it, let them know you like to play things by ear.

Step 3.

Go for the swag.

  • Disregard the informative sessions, interesting keynotes, and fellow blogger attendees.
  • Focus on what physical items you can take back home with you (be sure to note your airlines baggage fees!)
  • Make multiple trips around the exhibit hall, talking to nobody, but picking up multiple giveaway items and coupons
  • Attend (or crash) every party you can get into, take a gift bag for you, and try to snag one for “your friend” too
  • Be sure to complain that there’s not enough swag, or that it’s all junk (see step 5)

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PRACTICE THIS FACE!!!

Step 4.

Be quiet and shy. 

  • (Bonus: blame your “social anxiety” if possible)
  • Sit at tables filled with people excitedly talking to each other (best if they already know each other) Be sure to feel dejected if they don’t immediately welcome you to the table and draw you into the convo.
  • Don’t speak first, let people come to you, if they really wanted to talk to you, they would! Right?!
  • Don’t smile or let on that you’re a warm individual who likes to gab. People should simply assume that since you’re a blogger.
  • Don’t give out cards or ask other’s for theirs.
  • Keep your head burried in your phone or tablet. Try to avoid all that eyecontact business people seem to expect

Step 5.

Complain. (often, and loudly)

  • This really should’ve been tip #1: Complain like it’s your job!
  • Not sure where to start? The food! (duh!)
  • Then move on to the keynotes you can’t stand
  • The useless sessions you giggled/chatted through
  • The unclear pre-conference materials that “confused” you,
  • The uninteresting attendees (you didn’t speak to)
  • The shitty swag (that’s filling your suitcases)
  • The lack of outlets for re-charging
  • The cost of the conference (that’s a good one!)

 

So there you have it. Follow my 5 easy tips and you’ll be wasting your time and money on a blog conference (and ensuring an awful experience for yourself and anyone who comes in contact with you) in no time. Better yet, get a sponsor so you can waste their money too!

You’re welcome!

What are your tips for a crappy conference?

My Life Is A Meme

 

So while lazily scrolling through my beloved Pinterest, I realized that my life is actually a meme. It’s sad. But true.

Evidence:

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I don’t know why I even try. (and now I want oreos)

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This is a sure fire way to get kicked in the teeth. If you don’t stay at home (even part time) you just can’t understand.

 

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I don’t think Roey knows that John has answers too.

 

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Seriously. A solo poop would mean everything to me.

 

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Is this something in the ‘how-to-be-a-kid’ handbook?

 

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Listen…8:00p.m. eastern is the best moment of each day! (Naptime is a close second)

 

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Convinced Roey has partial deafness. Only certain tones are not picked up by his ears…. the tone of my voice, namely.

 

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Why do they always want more? Every day it’s the same thing…

 

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Truer words have never been spoken.

 

Is your life a meme too? Link the meme, let’s laugh!

Apropos of nothing, you have only hours to enter the PAYPAL giveaway and 6 more days to enter the SOL REPUBLIC giveaway. GET TO IT!

#BlogHer14 Fun on Day One

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Quick Story: So I just started pumping and my room service arrives, I didn’t wanna unhook everything cuz I just got the flanges in the perfect position, so I just put my shirt on over to answer the door. I was just like “listen, don’t ask what’s goin on over here please” and the room service dude in the thickest accent was like “lady, I never, ever do” I busted out laughing and he chuckled too.

Story #2: I called myself “packing light” on Wednesday. I get here and realize I packed so light I forgot everything! I didn’t even bring flip flops, so who was that chick wearing those cheap foam paper pedicure “flip flops” from the salon over to the expo?  ::points to self:: I also forgot my rings and I feel naked….and single… lol (PS have you heard about that show Naked dating? WTF?!)

 

OK….so….yeah…

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My Goals for Blogher:

  • Ask lots of questions of everyone I meet
  • Take every opportunity presented to me
  • Take lots of photos and vids to chronicle the events
  • Eat healthy and Workout
  • Do something nice for me
  • Take a bubble bath
  • Use the swag exchange room
  • Don’t pay ‘too heavy’ bag fee on the way home
  • Enter contests to win goodies
  • Give out all of my cards
  • Take better notes than the past two years
  • (secret goal: make everyone I speak to laugh …or groan)

So far I am on point!!

I arrived yesterday into San Francisco (aka Prius capital of the world, wtf?!) and shuttled over to San Jose then cabbed it to my hotel. (The hilton is lovely here in San Jose btw.) I pumped like a maniac, had a healthy lunch (greek salad) from room service, and relaxed a bit before heading to get a manicure (my first mani in a very, embarrassingly long time) and then went over to the Baby Shower from TheBabyLadies. My plan was to to get a pedi after that, but I got talked into going to the Sangria/Sundown event (which was awesome) and then got the pedi and went to the #selfiebration at the Expo. After that just grabbed dinner (a caprese salad on greens with grilled prawns) and came home to pump and rest.

That is the most truncated version of the day’s events….

Overall it was a great first day!

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I met some wonderful bloggers/vloggers in person…

  • My dear Tamara of Natural Hair Rules, she is a sweet heart and exactly how I imagined she’d be
  • Kendra of HeadbandForToday accompanied me for pedicures and convinced me to crash the Sangria Event (thankfully!)
  • Ananda Leekes – my shero
  • Natalie – I love anyone who pops in and out of a Jamaican accent
  • Francesca of Youtube Fame
  • Luvvie crashed that convo to get selfies, but I didn’t get to chat with her at all yet
  • Tanya who I didn’t know before BlogHer, and has a very great spirit that you can feel

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Highlights:

  • ….the mani/pedi and my epiphany of better self care that stemmed from it
  • getting carded at the Sangria event. (I hugged that lady. I haven’t been carded since 1492)
  • the random conversations I’m having with people without even exchanging names/cards
  • a chatty dinner with Tamara and Natalie, and Tanya
  • getting answers to my #1 question I’m trying to ask everyone I speak to
  • someone telling me my T25 results pics inspired them to start working out!
  • another blogger told me the pics inspired them to do their own before/after post! Rock entirely on!!

 

Seriously, I needed this trip. Yes it’s business, but it’s fun too. And it’s also peace and quiet/solitude and I needed it. It’s sanity saving! I’m doing some great thinking, journaling, even *gasp* writing! I just feel very grateful that I’m able to take this trip and know that my children are safe and sound, and it’s OK for me to just chill and do me. So extremely thankful for John and my parents rightaboutnow.

Make it a great day girls!! xo

 

Follow on Instagram for my pics/vids throughout the event!

 

My Focus T25 Results for #transformationtuesday

  Focus T25 Results, T25 results FocusT25 Womens Results

Well, I’m being brave.

Really brave.

Showing you my belly fat all hanging out sloppy-like.

::sigh::

I wasn’t going to share these because I didn’t think they were… “transformy” enough.  I was hoping to have dramatic aesthetic results, but I think what I’ve achieved with T25 is… decent.

[Read more...]

Sunday Social

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At it again, linking up with Ashley and Neely! Why dont ya join us?!

1. What is the most difficult thing you have been through?

Look, I’m always 100 with you here, so I’ll say this. I can’t discuss the most difficult thing I’ve been through here. But I will tell ya the 2nd most difficult. Cool? OK. I’d have to say it’s probably a tie between relationship troubles with John that have popped up throughout our time together. When you’re with someone for so long there are lots of ups, lots of middles, and some downs too. The downs are just really difficult for me.

tough times

2. What was your best birthday?

Not sure. I don’t ever do anything huge for my birthdays so they’re all equally okay. It’s usually just dinner somewhere with John, and going to my family’s place. Actually, I guess my best birthday was back in 81 on the real day I was born. That was definitely a game changer! lol

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My 31st bday – I have no pics of my 32nd :(

3. What has been your favorite thing you’ve done in your own city?

For me it’s restaurants and shows. I know it’s NYC and there is about 75 billion amazing things to do here….but restaurants and shows are my fave. I love live theater, especially small nobody-ever-heard-of-it shows versus the big huge productions (but those are fun too) and I love eating at restaurants of celeb chefs and all the cute lil new places we have to eat in this city.

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4. What is your idea of the perfect date night?

Well, Idris would pick me up around 7…..

OK OK…

If I were being fantasy-full, I’d describe a date night consisting of private jets, personal masseuses and shopping sprees…but coming back down to earth I’d say:

Kids away for the weekend at my parents’ house, I get to luxuriate and pamper myself all day before the date, hair did, nails did, massage, long bubble bath. I sip on some sweet white wine and eat strawberries as I get dressed, Idris John is already dressed and waiting, we have a car waiting outside so we can both imbibe. We’re driven to a fanatastic restaurant and eat course after course of amazing food prepared special for us and brought out by the chef himself. We talk, we laugh, we kiss, we reminisce, we drink great wine. ….. then we go home get nakey and….(ahem)….watch a movie on demand til I pass out :) LOL
5. Have you ever been to a blogging conference? If so which one(s)? If not do you want to?

I’ve been to BlogHer two years runnin’ and going for year three in just a few days. I really want to go to Blogalicious, Niche Parent, Mom 2.0, Fitbloggin’ and Blogging While Brown.  Hell I wanna go to all of ‘em…

What about you?!

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