Interracial Marriage…Kind of a Big Deal

Hey girls,

So. This morning I was writing/editing a little essay that I started months ago but never got to finish. It’s about this whole “swirling” trend going on now. There seems to be a movement consisting of black women who’s goal in life is to attract, marry and procreate with white men. I didn’t realize it was such a “thing” until my cousin told me recently that John and my maternity shoot photos are all over interracial tumblr blogs, which led me down a googley rabbit hole of interracial relationship stuff…but majority seemed to be black women / non black men related.

You know, I love getting emails from blog readers, and I get a fair amount (which sidebar: makes me feel cool). The majority are comments and questions about John, our marriage, raising a biracial son….things we’ve had to deal with.  (second place goes to hair questions, and third place goes to random stuff like “where’d you get those boots?”)

And I also get a lot of emails from women asking for advice, or sharing their story with me. There seems to be a mix of well meaning questions stemming from genuine curiosity….to weird fetishy type questions, judgey, racist/ignorant comments and some sentiments of “awe.” (weird)

I didn’t really see my marriage as a big deal before. Well, it’s always a big deal for me, of course (it’s MY effin marriage)… I just didn’t see my marriage as something bigger than me before. Or something that other people would care enough to question or comment on. Now I realize, bittersweetly, that my marriage isn’t just a marriage. It’s an interratial marriage. It’s different. Yes. Even though we married for love, and we see interracial couples everywhere, it’s nothing for us….however…it’s a big deal for other people.

I wasn’t going to bring race, politics, religion and “hot” topics like that into my blog, but now I realize, as far as race goes, I can, should, and will bring it here to OK, Dani. I’m definitely not the “interracial marriage poster child” (despite my preggo belly on those people’s tumblrs) nor am I “down with the swirl” (a “movement” that in my opinion, fetishizes white people, regarding them as a trophy to be won by the po black man/woman who gets lucky) but I am a black woman, married to a white man, raising a biracial son and living in a racial world.

My voice is “different” and I don’t mind sharing it loudly.

So, I’ll be answering your questions and responding to your emails here. Sorry it took me so long to “get it” people.

Sidebar: Don’t you kinda wish interracial marriage wasn’t a “thing?” Wouldn’t it be nice if marriage was just called marriage no matter the color of the bride and groom?

::sigh::

Hit it Mike:

Random Thoughts

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Is it me or are they making baby boy clothes cuter these days. Girl clothing definitely wins hands down (I mean..tutus!? hello!) but boy clothes are starting to give them a run for their money. I’m loving it! I should start taking pics of Roey’s cute lil outfits…which reminds me. Do you read the baby shopaholic’s blog? The blogger, Trina, takes pics of the great deals she gets on clothes for her adorable daughter Payton who models them with her sassy lil poses.

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Fitocracy is so cool. Granted, I forget to log my stuff in it, but it’s such a fun socialmediaish way of keeping to your exercise goals and keeping motivation high. I log on just to read people’s updates and look through stuff. Have you heard of it? It’s like an exerciser’s facebook.

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Part of my resolution to get my sexy back is to get a pretty smile again. I’m going to use groupon for a teeth whitening session, and invisalign treatment. Maybe another teeth whitening session post-invisalign. It’s a big investment. $3k on groupon. People that I know have paid double that for their treatment but I don’t know if it’s really a good deal or not. Have you done invisalign? How did you like it?

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For those who emailed for an update, Roey’s sleep training went well. He didn’t cry much at all, which was great for me. Last night we put him down in bed, he turned his glow worm on and passed out without a peep. He cried out, talked and fussed a couple times in the night, but no actual crying at all! He went down around 8:15 and woke up at 7:30! The night before he went down but woke up around 3am and John got him back down, he said it took an hour. I slept right through it so there couldn’t have been much crying. Let’s see what tonight brings! We’re going to my mom’s this weekend and when we’re there it’s like his schedule goes by the wayside. So let’s see.

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I found a desk and chair and I’m so happy to be able to set up a dedicated work space! Laptop in bed = sleeping, not writing. Laptop in kitchen = snacking, not writing. Let’s see how much productive I am when I’m in a real work area.

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I’m nervous about getting a babysitter for Roey. We’re just looking for a weekly person so we can go do date nights.  I’ll probably end up doing a full post on this, but, have you guys tried sittercity or care.com or anything? How did it work for you?

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Downsizing and clearing stuff out of our place seems to be a never ending project for me. I’ve been doing it in batches for like…oh….my entire life. I was going through Roey’s things and was just struck with how fast he’s growing out of things. It was bittersweet putting things away for his little brother or sister and separating items for giving away. FYI if my next child is a girl, she’s totally wearing blue. We have too many “boy” items that Roey hasn’t worn, or only wore once. … which reminds me, someone told me about a website for buying and selling baby clothes: Thredup.com. Have you heard of it?

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Hope you’re having a wonderful day so far. The weekend is not too far away!! Happy Thursday :)

Authentic Blogging

Authentic.

We hear this word a lot with blogging, don’t we?

At BlogHer’12 this word came up a lot. It was in almost every panelist’s list of what makes a great blogger. I’ve read two inauthentic blogs lately and it really stood out to me. One was about a “stripper” and one was about an nyc “actress” and both were so fake sounding it was so obvi just a phony blog set up to hopefully earn some money. And hey, I hope they do earn money…the blogs were fake, but they were kinda entertaining!

Anyway, I did a little soul searching, and okdani archive reading, and realized I wasn’t being truly authentic here. That’s not saying that I wasn’t being completely honest with you all, or not being real or not using my voice, but I realized that I keep a lot of things off of my blog. Some things, like politics, or my feelings on controversial news items I keep off the blog consciously and reserve for twitter or FB. Other items I realize I don’t speak about much here, or just mention peripherally in passing like:

  • spiritual life/practices
  • business pursuits
  • joys and pains of married life

These are huge parts of my life…and while I’m a mommy, and a blogger, I don’t feel like I’m solely a mommy blogger. Maybe I am in denial but I feel I’m a “lifestyle blogger” (if I had to choose a pigeon hole) and want to represent my whole self better here. Sometimes I’ll have a business issue weighing heavily on my mind while I’m sitting down to write a post, but instead of posting about that, I’ll write about Sharkie or review something. That’s not 100% authentic, in my interpretation of the word.

I know I won’t be discussing politics here anytime soon and you’ll likely never seen an “outfit of the day” type post from me. I also won’t be switching up my voice or changing too much around here. Example: I wanted to incorporate coupons on the blog because I’m starting to turn into a bit of a couponer but that didn’t seem to fit my posting vibe, so I made a separate coupon page in case people want to check them out and hopefully save some dough.

That actually leads me to another thought…what do you girls want to see more or less of on the blog? Do tell! If I had made a post with a listing of coupons, would it really have been so odd? The blog is a bit of a random hodgepodge even if it’s been pregnancy/mommyhood skewed these days…(and likely will be from now on.)

I like posting about what hits me, what’s going on with us and I love getting your input on things in the comments. I’ll always “do me” on this blog, but I’d love to know what you guys would like to see, or hate seeing here.

I know being an authentic blogger means different things to different bloggers. To me it entails showing a 360 degree view of myself to you. I’ll try to remember to do this more.

What is authentic blogging to you? What do you want to see more or less of here? You can tell me in the comments or email me at okaydani@gmail.com

 

Life Changers

In the last week, 4 things happened that have altered my perception and my future.

1. I read THIS POST on J. Money’s blog

2. I visited someone who used to be my bestie, that I hadn’t seen in 10 years.

3. John decided to push med school applications back one year.

4. GoDaddy emailed me about canceling one of my domains/My client used the term omni-occupational. (ok that’s 2 things but still)

Sooo…..

1.  The Budgets are Sexy blog post really gave me a loving slap in the face.  I am unbalanced in how I’m viewing money these days.  I know I have to save a lot for the future, but I have to remember to not sacrifice too much right now. Not that we’re existing on dried beans and tap water or anything, but, when I create my budget there’s very little wiggle room and my “slush” money figures get smaller and smaller.  If I die tomorrow, I’d like my last thought to be ‘wow what a fun and exciting day’ and not ‘thank god I padded my emergency fun a bit more!’ Financial planning needs balance and starting next month I’m going to make my plan have a little more wiggle room for fun and activities.

2.  I visited an old friend I was super close with in jr high, high school and year 1 of college.  We were estranged for 10 years, after an incident where I chose to feel betrayed.  Now, I think about it and find it laughable, sad and unfortunate yes….but still funny.  Seeing her, talking to her, hugging her (and her hugging me back so tight I thought my head would pop off my neck) and immediately feeling that same goofy at ease feeling we had back in the day was such a great reminder to keep good friends near.  It also reminded me of how connected we all are and how pieces of us remain with the ones we’ve loved as well as how much we change over time.  That was the takeaway, our evolution. What was such a big deal 10 years ago, is laughable now, hell it was laughable 5 years ago really.  And in 10 years ago, the foolishness I stress about now will be meaningless.  So why stress? 

this picture has nothing to do with anything

3.  Part of that visit was to talk to her and her fiance (both MDs) about the med school application process, the school they went to, any advice for John etc…  The result of the convo was that John is not applying this year as planned but holding out a year.  (GULP) Now. If you don’t know by now…I’m a planner.  So I had to re-plan a lot, re-time a lot…and re-think a lot, surrounding this decision.  For John the decision means a much stronger application to schools and higher chance of acceptance to more than one school (YAY).  For me the decision means the possibility of one more year working for someone else. (BOO)  I’m not down with that.  So I have to figure out how to make a good living sooner with my chosen careers so I can leave the 9-5 world and be able to raise my family without suffering until John starts earning money during his residency.

if you’ve ever worked in corporate america you know this

4.  I haven’t been shooting. Almost at all.  I did a shoot for a salon’s website last month and since then have been itching to shoot some actors headshots again but stifling the urge because of my need to “focus” and not wanting more things pulling at my time/energy.  Godaddy decided to mess with my head by letting me know that my headshot photography site was about to expire.  I thought long and hard about renewing or not…wondering if I’d give it any energy.  Later, while talking to a client who’s an actor/personal trainer/writer…he called himself omni-occupational….and I fell in love with the term.  There’s no reason why I can’t be a coach/photographer/future therapist/writer. (+mom, +wife, +9-5er for now lol) I don’t need to give each title equal play at all times, duh. And that’s the takeaway.  I can shoot as little as once a month, continue to coach most of the time and write when the mood hits.  I think it was Oprah who said ‘You can have it all, just not all right now.” (or something like that) I need to plaster that on my wall somewhere.

It’s funny how I can elicit insight’s such as these from clients in a quick 45 minute session, but when it comes to myself, I hemm and haw forever before seeing the light.

Anywho. I’m going to put the word back out there that I’m shooting part time again, but only actors headshots for now.

paparazzis go hard!



One more thing happened that’s causing me to make a big change, but I’ll post that separately cuz I’m going to need help/advice from you lovely ladies on it.


Anything happen in your life recently that caused you to think or act differently?

I love you all so much!

Totally.

I did NOT expect the loads of emails I got in response to my last post.  I am girl crushing on each of you sweet mamas now.  You’re all officially friends in my head (like wendy williams). Especially the ones who cursed out the nasty emailers for me!!  Seriously, I really appreciate the love and kindness you showed with your emails. 

XOXO,

Dani

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