That’s how I feel when I think about this coming weekend.
I know it’s dramatic…whatevs.
I’m heading to Blogher’s conference in NYC on Friday and Saturday, and on Thursday night I’m going to a blogger party sponsored by The Baby Shopaholic.
I am grateful and excited to be able to attend these events and I know I will have an incredible time…but I am allowing “Mommy Guilt” to weasel its way into my psyche. I will have to leave Sharkie with his dad on Thursday, Friday, and most of Saturday. He’s dropping little man off to me at the conference on Saturday afternoon before he goes to work.
I’ll be away from the boy for HOURS…lots of hours. I don’t even want to count them up right now or I may get teary.
I get a lump in my chest when I think about leaving the house without him. I almost get misty thinking of how much I will miss him.
I left him for 2.5 hours to go to the doctor once. It about broke me. (And when I got home John complained that I called and texted too many times. Oops)
I’ve also left him for 1/2 hour stretches while I go jogging. (But I go when he’s asleep so I don’t feel so bad about it.)
I’m pumping as much as I can so John has a nice stash of breastmilk for him, so I know he won’t starve. John is a great hands on dad so I know Roey will be 100% taken care of, and happy.
So why is leaving him making me so crazy in the head?
I feel a little selfish I guess. I could easily take him along with me and just wear him both days to the conference. It would be a little inconvenient leaving the sessions to breastfeed, and change him, and walk when he gets fussy…but…it’s doable. Just not desirable.
Does that make me an irresponsible mom?
Is 7 weeks is too soon to be away from him that long?
Will he forget me?
Will he forget how to suck from my nipple after taking a bottle all day?
Will I be able to pump easily at the conference?
I’m nervous and keep going back and forth in my head about taking him. John thinks I’m insane.
Maybe I am.
How old was your little one when you left them alone for the first time?