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I told you how Roey’s doing (in a word: AWESOME) so now I want to talk about how I’m doing in these past 6 months as a mommy. In a word: …..ok there is no word. Well, not just one anyway.
I’m so tired. Always. So so tired. I’m still up 12 lbs (I only lost 1 lb on insanity but that’s a diff post) and mushy, but that’s because I’m lazy. I don’t really care about the amount of the lbs, I just care that they’re lbs of fat and I’m all spongebobsquarebodied. My scar looks OK I guess, but is still puffy on one side, and there’s numbness around it STILL and pain when I put pressure on it. Allegedly *side eye to doctor* it’s normal and I shouldn’t worry. Oh and my ….ahem… monthly cycle….just returned yesterday actually. I feel duped. I’m still breastfeeding yet my period’s back. AND it hurts like a bitch, just like before pregnancy…I always heard it lightens up after you have a baby. 🙁 My hair is still falling out like crazy, but I think (or maybe it’s wishful thinking) that it’s starting to fall out sliiiightly less. It’s still growing in straight though..so hopefully that mess changes back to normal very soon. I lost the stretchmark war so I’m all tiger striped too, and I thought I’d feel worse about it than I do, which is amazing. I will re-evaluate in another 6 months when I’m in a bikini how I feel about my tiger stripes.
Oh man, you don’t know your brand of crazy until you pop out a baby. Think of your worst bout of PMS multiplied by 5 million, plus no sleep, multiplied by new baby. Your hormones really go bazurk and your emotions sway from one end to the other so fast! That post partum time period is a lot to deal with. You always hear about how preggo women cry and whatnot, but I think I did more crying (over everything big small, happy sad and in between) after I gave birth. It definitely levels out eventually and you get back to your old self…well your new old self. But boy did I put poor Johnny through hell.
What I had to deal with was a slap in the face realization that I’m no longer “free.” I knew I was going to have a baby. I knew I’d be staying home with him, and I knew intellectually that my life would be permanently altered and more…shackled…lol, but somehow it wasn’t until…um…yesterday?…. that I came to terms with a lack of freedom. It freaked me out at first. Freedom in a large sense like I can’t go out at a moment’s notice but also in the ‘have a glass of wine with dinner’ sense. (I MISS wine, yall.) When you have to strategize a day out around places you can hide and pump in or separate your appointments with enough time for you to rush home and nurse or pump and then head back out….you truly realize how shackled you are. I guess formula feeding moms really benefit in that way.
I feel good! If the only marker I have to judge by is a happy, healthy, smiley baby, then I’m kicking ass at this motherhood thing. I love being home with Roey. I love reading to him, talking to him, playing with him, doing for and helping him. Nothing feels like a real chore even though he requires soooooo much time, energy and patience. Oh wait, that’s a lie. Getting him from his crib at night is a chore, and I hate doing his laundry and folding all his annoyingly tiny clothes. I think his clothes are having sex with each other in the drawer and having little onesie babies cuz those things are multiplying daily, I swear.
I really enjoy watching him develop, and reading about child development, and parenting, and learning new things to do with him. It’s amazing how much he’s advanced in 6 months.
The negatives at this stage is #1 being TIRED, and #2 just a bit of confusion about Roey’s teething and anxiety about him getting more mobile and keeping the floor cleaner and babyproofing everything. I never noticed before how many sharp pointy babyharming things I have around this place. Oh, the other negative is poop. The smell of his poop now…it makes me gag (ok and i threw up in my own hand once) and I hear it only gets worse as he eats more stuff.
I get help from John when I give specific instructions so that’s some relief from the everysingleminuteness of raising the lil man, but I’m told by mothers everywhere that the tired thing won’t. end. ever. So…that blows.
I feel a lot more driven and want to just be….better. I have a lot more patience than I thought I did. I’m really impatient and I worried I wouldn’t be able to curb it with children, but it curbed itself I guess. I’m sure we’ll put it to the test when he’s a psycho toddler who can only say “no.” Let’s see how patient I am then LOL. I’m also a sometimey procrastinator, but Roey forces me to get things done and be efficient with my time on certain things. It’s really amazing how these kiddies come into your life and just…improve you! On the negative note: Mommy brain is a real thing. Seriously it should be in the dsmIV because it’s legit. I forget everything…mid-sentence…mid-thought even, and I was already forgetful due to years of potsmokage so you can imagine…. Well anyway, forgetfulness aside. Mommy brain works in one incredible way. You’ll forget everything that’s not directly related to baby, but you can easily rattle off a list of baby-related to-dos. It’s uncanny.
I’m still just so over the moon to be a mom and have this awesome little man to love and raise. I’m still amazed by how all encompassing this love is and how everything he does is so cute to us LOL. I loved the first 6 months and I’m excited about the next 6 months…years…decades…if I live that long.
What was your first 6 months of motherhood like?!