How Children Change You

having children changes you

You don’t realize who you are.

You don’t realize what a selfish cow you are.

You don’t realize how much time you waste.

You don’t realize how little everything you “care” about matters.

You don’t realize what love is.

Until you have a child.

I remember making a Facebook post to the effect of “why didn’t anyone tell me it would be like this?! the love!” a month or so after my son was born. Immediately there were loads of responses from moms saying things like “would you have understood before?” and “you don’t ‘get it’ til you’re a parent” etc.

It’s really true.

Having a child changes you in so many ways.

The biggest one being your ability to love unconditionally and completely overpoweringly. It’s almost scary. No. Not almost. It’s scary. Realizing what love really is.

Before having kids you “intellectually know” what’s in store. A cute lil bundle of crazy, that you’ll kiss and care for and sacrifice for and whatnot. You know there will be long sleepless nights, gross things to clean up, tantrums to endure, lots of giggles, story time and so much more. You’re as “prepared” as you can be.

But until your child enters the world, you cannot truly “know” how incredibly changed you’ll be after they’ve arrived in your life.

john and roey born day

I’d cleaned up my lifestyle a long time before children came, and I was cruising along, livin’, thinking I was doin’ pretty well. Then little Rohan Thomas came along and changed my perspective. Not to say that I wasn’t doing ok at life, but now that there was something so much more important to live for.

My way of thinking changed when I had him. It’s like a switch flipped in my brain that now makes me think “baby first” and automatically put myself in second place.

My view of what success meant got flipped on its head.  It was driven by markers created socially, and then by markers of my own happiness. Now… Rohan’s happiness = success.

My selfishness got thrown out the window and my strength and restraint increased tenfold. It’s hard to be selfish when you’ve got to crawl, bleary eyed out of your warm bed to go clean and comfort a baby, covered in a vomit/diarrhea combo, who refuses to stop screaming. However, it’s easy and somehow un-burdensome to do it. I guess because it’s fueled by this unconditional love that this tiny human has blasted you with.

One surprising way I was changed after having my son was my rage. My mama bear instinct is super strong. It’s incredible how fast I turn huge and green and my clothes rip off, she-hulking me into cray cray protection mode. I already told you guys how I mushed that lady in Penn Station for bumping my baby.

My baby.

He made me stronger, he made me wiser, he made me rethink my values, rethink my life. He made me realize positive aspects of my personality I didn’t know I had, and some that I need to work on eradicating immediately for the good of all mankind.

Children change you. And all for the better. I’ll thank him for it one day. Or maybe I’ll just wait until he has a child of his own, when he can truly “get it” and thank him then.

How have your kids changed you?

At BlogHer’13 I had the opportunity to pre-screen Disney’s movie Delivery Man, starring (my boo) Vince Vaughn.  He plays a man named David that had his….deposits…at a sperm bank used 533 times resulting in tons of kids! He finds out in a hysterical way and we get to see his journey as he transitions from slacker delivery dude into his true self, a loving father of many, many kids.

It was one of those movies that has you cracking up one second then saying “aawwww” and getting misty the next. And Vince Vaughn was awesome in it.

Delivery Man is coming to Blu-ray, DVD and Digital HD on March 25.  Bring it home and check it out!! (533 times, perhaps?)

And now I’ve got a sweepstakes for ya!

To win a $100 Visa Gift Card, tell me how your kids have changed you for the better. Good luck!

Sweepstakes Rules: No duplicate comments. You may receive (2) total entries by selecting from the following entry methods: Leave a comment in response to the sweepstakes prompt on this post Tweet (public message) about this promotion; including exactly the following unique term in your tweet message: “#SweepstakesEntry”; and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment on this post Blog about this promotion, including a disclosure that you are receiving a sweepstakes entry in exchange for writing the blog post, and leave the URL to that post in a comment on this post For those with no Twitter or blog, read the official rules to learn about an alternate form of entry. This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older. Winner will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail. You have 72 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected. The Official Rules are available here. This sweepstakes runs from 3/20/14 – 4/17/14. Be sure to visit the Delivery Man page on BlogHer.com where you can read other bloggers’ reviews and find more chances to win! 

 

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Mom of two, Wife, Life & Wellness Coach, Blogger, Writer, Laughter lover, Motivator, Quasi Health Nut, Vacation Addict, Hair Care Junkie, Beach Bum Wannabe. Writes about parenting, wellness, and marriage here and on other sites.

Comments

  1. AprilD says

    I had a moment after reading this. I don’t have kids so I’m not going to enter but I do know that simply considering having them has made me do a ton of research. I noticed that every birthing video I watched you could actually see the moment that the mother’s face went from a pure heightened sense of pain to love washing over them and instantly forgetting the pain they just endured. Truly a beautiful moment :)

    • MM says

      I’m not a mother yet. Being the last of my friends to have a child, I must say and I tell them this as well, that is my most favorite part as well. Just seeing the immense love and awe these children bring to their parents life. It’s truly a miracle!

  2. says

    Having children made me wiser and empathetic. Two totally different things that I did not think I had the capacity to possess until children came along.

    • says

      Yesterday while I was driving up and down the streets of my city my
      mother commented “You are more patient now that you are a mother.” That
      was such a compliment to a person like me who was impatient in every
      chosen task.

      Being a mother is such a blessing.

  3. says

    Having children has definitely changed me for the better. Like you mentioned, the unconditional love factor was one I never fully understood before. Now I know what it means to truly love someone with every fiber of my being no matter what. Becoming a mother also turned me into a chronic worrier though, lol. I’m always reading, researching, and wondering “what if” all the time!

    Great post, Dani!

  4. mami2jcn says

    Having children has made me appreciate the small moments. Before I had kids, I seemed to be in a rush all the time and anxious to move onto the next thing. Now I wish I could freeze time.

  5. Rachel Henthorn says

    Having my little girl has changed me soo much!! I live for her everyday and cherish every second with her! I love watching her grow up and learn everything so far! She has gave me a reason to wake up and enjoy life with her <3

  6. cynthiac says

    My children changed my focus from me to them. Being responsible for someone else is an awesome responsibility.

  7. Natalie says

    My niece and nephew have taught me to appreciate the people in my life and recognize the importance of relationships. They also have taught me to make a conscious effort to be happy and pleasure the little things in life. They have taught me not to take life too seriously and don’t sweat the small stuff.

  8. Anastasia says

    My kids have taught me better critical thinking as well as better compromising :) I need both in order to watch out for my kids best interest, as well as balancing freedom with good choices :)

  9. susan1215 says

    Having kids does change you . I has made me more patient and loving. You remember what is was like to be a child yourself
    s2s2 at Comcast dot net

  10. sarahhirsch says

    my kids have changed me for the better because i try to be a good
    example and role model for them, so i am more aware of doing the right
    things at the right times.

  11. mickeyfan says

    When I had kids, I learned what unconditional love is. I learned that even 30 years later, you still worry. And I learned the best thing about having kids is GRANDkids!

  12. lazybones344 says

    Its made me more responsible and concerned about the future of the country.
    lazybones344 at gmail dot com

  13. Lisa Brown says

    Having children has taught me patience, which was a big
    problem for me. You cannot be impatient with children at all, and with my new-found
    patience, it has made other areas of my life better, especially relationships
    with others. I find the care of children rewarding and watching them grow and
    change is wonderful.

  14. Tamar says

    Yes, they’ve given me a newfound appreciation for life..
    I was pretty depressed until I met my husband and then had my children. I am so happy with them.

  15. seaburd says

    my kids have given me a sense of adventure. They are always willing to try new things and explore . I have been able to branch out doing new for me things like ice skating, swing dancing,and scuba all because of them

  16. Desiree H says

    We tried for a year to have a baby, and then finally found out we were having twins. They have changed our lives for the better. My husband and I have gotten closer to God because of the things we went through trying to get pregnant and my son being in the Nicu (5 weeks early).
    We do not drink anymore, we are more patient, we both appreciate the little things in life more, and we just dedicate our lives and time to our kids. They are such a blessing and truly are the GREATEST gift!!
    Thank you!!
    faithrains2387 (At) Yahoo.com

  17. mommyto2girlz says

    My girls have made me stronger. They’ve taught me that I am strong enough
    to stand up for myself and them. I have to be willing to go that extra mile for
    them because no one else will. I can’t stand back and not say anything like I use to because I don’t want anyone hurting my child. Thank you!

    crystalfaulkner2000 at yahoo dot com

  18. Nadine L says

    Having my daughter made me a more patient person. I was always pretty patient, but with her I learned to make sure I slowed down and enjoy every moment and wait for things, most everything is worth the wait

  19. D Schmidt says

    Having children changed me
    in so many ways, I definitely became less selfish but more importantly I
    realized I had to take better care of myself because I was responsible for more
    than just my happiness in life.

    mummytotwoboys@yahoo.com

  20. Courtney Bella says

    my kids really taught me how to love. I dont think i truley loved people until i had my children

  21. jalapenomama says

    Having the kids has helped me learn to trust my own judgement – a big step for me.
    thank you

  22. Wanda McHenry says

    I only have a furbaby, I was unfortunate and couldn’t carry. But, she is our joy and she brings so much love and happiness to our life.

  23. helobuff says

    I raised my nephew my sister died.. what a blessing kids are.. they keep childhood alive and keep you going.

  24. Terri Moore says

    My kids changed me for the better because they made me want to put them first and love them no matter what was going on in our busy days. I cherish the memories and thank them for it.

  25. msrodeobrat says

    My kids made me more creative. They brought back my playful side
    Addictedtorodeo at gmail dot com

  26. Lisa Pecora says

    I have changed for the better by putting someone else first & caring more.
    motioncitycutie(at)aol(dot)com

  27. Lisa Voyce says

    Because I had my daughter at such a young age, I had to grow up quite quickly and become a responsible adult and parent.

  28. Betty Curran says

    I learned to stand up for them when my nature is to avoid confrontation at all costs. The things that I would have overlooked for myself had to be addressed when it involved my children.
    willitara [at] gmail [dot] com

  29. Douglas Houston says

    My kid has taught me that being a parent is hard, exhausting work. Fun and frustrating at the same time. I may sound remorseful but I wouldn’t miss out on seeing my kid grow up for the world.

  30. Wild Orchid says

    My son has made me a much more patient person, and he makes me take the time to stop and appreciate the little things.

    Thanks for the chance to win!

    wildorchid985 at gmail dot com

  31. Nancy Hall says

    They make you slow down and see the world in from a different view. It seems that until you have kids you don’t appreciate the little things…..things you used to just walk by and never gave a thought to.

  32. nicolegreene says

    My kids have made me to constantly strive to be the best mom I can…I quit smoking 5 years ago for them…I’m always trying to set a positive example for them.

  33. Tabathia says

    They have brought so much love and joy to me that they have made me a better human being

    tbarrettno1 at gmail dot com

  34. Harmony B says

    My kids made me realize what and who are important to have in my life and to appreciate every moment.

    njharmonyg at aol dot com

  35. Karen Drake says

    My kids have changed me for the better by making me see life through their young eyes, kids are so positive and see the best in life and other people, I also learned to have more patience.

  36. lancepearson says

    I quit smoking for my little 4 year old daughter because she asked me. After 26 years of the habit I kicked it for her..I want to see her grow up!

  37. mariem howard says

    I feel like having kids made me live in the moment, and taught me what was really important. Being a mom is the best thing in my life. I love my kids more than anything on earth.
    4mariemh atgmaildot com

  38. Ellie W says

    My kids have changed me completely. The minute I had my first son I knew that the world wasn’t all about me anymore. For the first time I experienced true selflessness. I have 3 grown sons and 2 grandsons now and they are the most important things in the world to me.

  39. Maria Simon says

    I CANT IMAGINE MY LIFE WITHOUT MY CHILDREN..I THOUGHT I HAD PATIENCE AND LOVE BEFORE…NO…UNLESS YOU HAVE CHILDREN YOU HAVE NO CLUE..IT IS SUCH A JOY AND BLESSING FROM GOD

  40. susansmoaks says

    my kids have changed my life for the better by showing me how to enjoy the little things in life. life is too short to be mad, just smile and have a good time.

  41. slehan says

    I’ve never had kids. I think they teach you to live in the moment.

    Thanks for the contest.

    slehan at juno dot com

  42. tinareynolds says

    I understand love so much more and the future is even more important I have a million times more patience. I also use to wish for time to fly by (growup) and now I wish it would slow down.

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