Email Questions & Answers & Rant

First the rant.
People can be so nasty and such small-minded pathetic losers.  I get emails from readers, mostly asking for hair help, or thanking me for something I posted, giving a comment or suggestion or asking random questions about me, and even John.  Usually they’re just regular questions and comments. I appreciate them, and try to answer them as best I can.

But. Sometimes I get emails that make me want to punch people in the throat. 

Like questions asking me if my parents are okay with me sinning by “shacking up” with John before we were married.  (Yes, by the way, they were OK with it because it’s not a sin to us.) Telling me about who I am because my husband is white, like you have any clue what it’s like to walk in my shoes. (I love how dating outside your race means you only date outside your race or you hate your race.  get a grip people. a firm one)

Some of the passive aggressive comments are funny, like this one woman who told me I could be so pretty if I wore makeup. (thanks lady.) But sometimes (ok, maybe certain times of the month?) I read these comments and just want to slap a bitch. 

Here are a couple gems:

1. you’re clearly latina and I can tell because of your wavy hair and how you talk on youtube. 
Sweetie, we can take a flight to countries in Africa right now and find black women with looser curls than me.  As for how I talk, I can barely string two words together some times, how are you finding latina accents? Sit down.

2. did your husband think you were pregnant when he proposed? 
Yes.  That’s the only reason he married me.  As a matter of fact, I had a small pillow hidden under my shirt like the chick from Glee for weeks just so I could get that ring. Then I “miscarried” right after the proposal.  Yup. That’s what happened.  Dummy.

I read a post on JC’s blog The Natural Haven and she turned her dealings with these nasty emailers/commenters into a positive post.  She urged people to avoid the “energy vampires” as she called them.  She’s kinder than I am. 

Jennifer from Babymaking Machine deals with this a lot.  She’s great at ignoring and gracefully responding to the passive aggressive holier (or mommier) than thou comments but I cannot imagine the nasty mail she must get as a black Mormon married to a white man, in the south, and raising her beautiful daughter the way she sees fit.  I’m convinced the mean mommy bloggers are the worst of the bunch when it comes to evil comments/emails. Snarky heffas.

I’ve ignored these nasty emailers up until now and after this post I’ll likely give them no more play.  But I want to urge all of you who write meanspirited emails to women who share their lives, thoughts and information with you to just think hard before you hit send.  Think about the real reason you’re sending the things you are, think about your motives and what you hope to get out of sending the email, think about how you want your message to be received and think about the message it sends about you.

Now, on to the questions – the “normal” questions.  I’ve just pulled the questions out of the emails instead of putting the whole emails here, for length’s sake.

Where did you grow up?
Back and forth between palm beach, brooklyn and long island.

Do you do hair?
Not for a living if that’s what you meant, but I enjoy doing it.  I dye and straighten my mom’s hair all the time and I do my own lol if that counts.

Why are you in two schools?
I didn’t realize I didn’t explain this fully, sorry guys.  I go to NYU for my life coaching certificate.  I go to Liberty University for my MS in Counseling.

What do you and your husband do?
His career was always sales in the day and bouncing at night.  Sales in the mortgage industry until that industry collapsed, and then sales in IT.  He’s now in school pursuing his longtime dream and still bouncing.
My 9-5 is as an office manager and executive assistant at a fund of hedge funds.  My part time jobs (and hopefully soon-to-be full time jobs) are as a coach/consultant and I still do some freelance photography.

Are you on facebook and twitter?
I’m on twitter as @okdani. But I barely tweet.  i’ve got to get better at that.
I’m on facebook and have a page for my coaching business and photography business there as well.  I don’t go on as much as I should though.

Did you start TTC yet? Will you be posting about your pregnancy and baby pictures when LO arrives?
Yes, we recently started and it’s exciting and anxiety-making.  Lots of waiting in the daggone TTC game. I am totally posting about my pregnancy! Are you kidding?  And you all are going to get sick of my child cuz every daggone post will be OMG she inhaled…*pic*…OMG she exhaled *pic* 

Does your family like John?
Ha! Yes they like him.  (He’s exactly like my dad. it’s disgusting.) And his family likes me.  And even if our families didn’t like our choice of mates they’re stuck with us! hehehe

What religion are you? / Do you go to church?
I’m a christ-identified non-religious person. lol.  I don’t go to church and never have, I do watch Joel Osteen and that’s just enough church for me.  I say I’m Christ-identified because while I feel religions are make believe, un-necessary, dangerous, mind control and can be harmful dividing tools, I was brought up Christian, went to a Christian school for my formative years and feel people should strive to be Christ like (not necessarily Jesus Christ…Buddah Christ and all the other avatars count too.) 

Do you and your husband tell each other everything?
For the most part, yes. We tell each other the most mundane things as well as the big.  I love it.  (unless I’m PMSing and then in my head I’m like “i don’t give a fuck if you had steak for dinner leave me alooooone”) I don’t tell him some things like when I get hit on, unless there’s a funny story around it.

Why don’t you vlog and do youtube anymore?
I just have no desire to do hair vlogs for youtube anymore. ::shrug::  I’m thinking in the future I’ll be vlogging in relation to my careers, and may vlog for this blog because it’s just so easy! But, not sure yet.  Do people prefer vlog entries to blog posts?

That’s it for now.  Whew!! That was a lot.  Hope you all are having a kickass week so far.  

PS – let me know if you do vlog posts and how you integrate them on your blog, also, do you like vlog entries versus blog entries on other people’s blogs?

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Mom of two, Wife, Life & Wellness Coach, Blogger, Writer, Laughter lover, Motivator, Quasi Health Nut, Vacation Addict, Hair Care Junkie, Beach Bum Wannabe. Writes about parenting, wellness, and marriage here and on other sites.


  1. Nik says

    Great post! I can't people ask questions that crazy. Talk about "cajones"!! Anyway, I hope you are still taking questions. Mine is pretty simple. Acting. Are you still pursuing it? Is it still an interest? Were you ever thinking it could be your full-time hustle?

    I am in a state of flux right now where I am trying to figure out my career/purpose. I am all over the place. In school for interior design (love, LUV this), work full-time in PR/Marketing-Events (this is not my love but my job-though it's cool to work with shoes), and I started and event planning company that I hope to some day turn into a healthy business (the MA in interior design was intended to help here).

    I am also taking acting classes because I thought this might be something I like. I am not really shy but not the best at opening up/telling all my business, etc. and that is part of becoming a good actress-using your "stuff" to connect to the audience.

    Anyway, just wanted your take on how you finally figured out what you really wanted to do. How were you able to focus on what your gifts and talents were REALLY supposed to be used for.
    Sorry this question started off simple-didn't mean for it to be like a page long!

    Anxiously awaiting your answer,

  2. Dani @ OK, Dani says

    Hey Nik – I think I answered one of your questions in my earlier post today (yeah 2 posts in one day. I'm WILD.)

    I did answer the acting question in my earlier post too, but I'd like to add that, I always had a tug of wanting to help people. I know that's what I'm here for. And when I would think about what I'd do after I "made it" in acting and had a lot of money to give, and it was always something non-profit related to helping black american youth. So despite having a passion for acting and having so much fun doing it, I also had a passion for helping and wellness, and a passion for people. I'm also quite nosy and love knowing everyone's business so counseling and coaching fills that need for me, plus allows me to help in a great way and be my own boss (someday).

  3. Keya says

    That sucks that people can be so cruel. But you seen to remain very positive. I like that.
    I watch Joel too.

  4. I'm just the MOM says

    We share the same views on religion :) I on the other hand grew up Catholic and attended catholic school k-12th grade.
    I am in "mixed" marriage as well–> I am Hawaiian/Filipino and my husband is Black/German. We used to live in Louisiana and just get stared at like we were aliens or something. The one question I LOATHE is "What are you?" I mean really?! How does a person just randomly ask what are you? Um duh I'm a human girl.

  5. Jc says

    Dani, our Iman supermodel cute Dani, 'could be so pretty if you wore make up?' The immediate thought I had was that girl (cause you know its a girl!) is fugly (yeah i said it fugly!!).

    Dani stay true to yourself as you always do. These trolls want to steal your shine, let them stay in the shadows where they belong.

  6. Janeen says

    Evil people!
    I would love it if you vlogged every once in a while or even just once. Sometimes I just wonder how people's voices sound and their mannerisms, so vlogs are good for that and I know if my favorite bloggers vlogged also, I would really feel like I know them, even more than I do now. :)

  7. Nini says

    Are you kidding me? Someone brought up the race card about you and John?!?!? Man, I would seriously have to smack a ho! Thank God no one tries me on my blog like that.
    Seriously some people need to pause before they hit that send button. Anyway, you know what Katt Williams says "a haters job is to hate so let them do their mo'effing job, sit back and say my hair ain't luxurious when you know it is!"
    Pay those people no mind, like you said they are narrow minded, shallow and looking for company in their misery!

  8. Faith says

    that is one of the reasons i don't check my blog email regularly .. lots of haters out there. don't have time to read hate mail! good for you for letting them know you have no tolerance for them!

    it's sad how people sit behind their computers to be so ignorant.

  9. Anonymous says

    Um. I only peek in every now and then to get hair inspiration and tips. You're my hair crush.
    I dunno why people would waste their time quizzing you out and putting hate out there.
    Thanks for putting a positive spin on things. Take it easy

  10. Carissa says

    I really liked this post, one the reasons I changed my settings on my blog is because of the stupid comments people leave! I dont get how they feel they get an opinion on MY blog! You dont! Its my blog and I will post whatever I want on there and you shouldnt feel bad about that! And I loved your sarcastic answers to those questions!

  11. Quiana says

    Wow! I've never had to deal with evil commenters, but yes, seeing how Jenn handles them is very inspirational. You and I have so much in common and I'd love to get together for an upcoming "IRL" feature I'm working on. Please e-mail me at harlemlovebirds at gmail dot com if you're interested =)

  12. Love & Tangles says

    Its crazy people can actually be that dumb and assholish! (Been out of town so I'm catching up on my blogs) Anyway, I agree with you re: shacking up AND I'm a Christian. When we shacked up, my hubs cousin/bf wanted told us the Bible talks about 'open rebuke.' Sigh…lol, wtf? I don't where it says that, but I think you can imagine, they're no longer best buds…still cousins tho. My response: it also talks about not judging other…dummy!
    Oh and I somewhat detest my husband's whole family! He's biracial but was adopted as a nb by the ghettoest black fam ever! His mama tries to act as the wife. Now, 10 yrs deep….we've acknowledged that we don't get along and she can't tell me what to do via him. Race has nothing to do with getting along with in-laws. Girl….you need to modify your readers, j/k. No, but for real…I'm kinda shocked people care so much. Thought this stuff was for fun. Geez! Way to check 'em!

  13. Dancy says

    Seriously? People really send that crap to you? Crackheads – but I will say "energy vampire" might be one of the best terms I've heard in a long time. I agree with you on the Mom-battles too. I think Mom boards are a zillion times worse than any wedding boards. A friend of mine showed me some thread on a chat board – a woman asked about a cute poem to include in a baby shower invite to ask guests to bring books & these women FLEW off their rockers. I just don't get it. And yeah, I totally LOL'd at "snarky heffas" ;)

  14. Mimi says

    Girl Bye. I can.not believe people actually sit there and send that hateful shit in an email. As the saying goes you must be doing something right. I have never gotten hate email, now you got me wanting to get some so I can lay their arses out on my blog. Anywho! I just found your blog and looking forward to reading more about your journey! Loooove it!

  15. Roz says

    Nothing happens by accident and I feel blessed and honored to have had the Heavenly Father bring your blog to me TODAY. Oh, I am a hair product/blog junkie so I have been eavesdropping on many of them…and can now add your blog as one of my favorites. LMAO…this ‘ish right here brought me back from the brink of insanity! God is good and YOU, my sister, are RIGHT ON TIME. Thank you for bitch slapping some of these laim, silly-ass folks who troll blogs just to feed their ignorance. ;-) And thank you for offering SOOOOO much more than just insights about hair.

  16. says

    Wow, some of those comments made me gasp! Anonymity on the internet makes people do and say really terrible things. I wish people took a moment to think before sending stuff like that out there! In any event, if you need it, I will support you in any future throat punching endeavors, mkay? ;-)

  17. says

    ugh I hate it when people press send without really giving some thought, or at least getting somebody else to read their email!! I’ve had a couple of doozies myself lately.

    As for vlogs – they aren’t my thing. I much prefer written posts.

  18. says

    I cannot for the life of me understand why people would be so rude. Nice way of dealing with them! (I am still giggling over the lady that thinks you could be so pretty if only you wore make-up… WTF?)

    Have a happy day nonetheless!


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